Last September I returned to China from the US. I stayed at home for a while working on a research project. Then I was in Beijing for a short while, assuming that I could work on another project for my applications for the PhD programs in film studies while looking for jobs, but I was swamped with research, with no time left for job-hunting. I moved back home living with my parents in order to focus on my research and also, to save money. A few days ago I came to Shanghai for an interview. I didn't plan to stay for long but soon changed my mind, for both practical and personal reasons. So here I am.

I was previously living in Columbus, Ohio for 6 years studying arts policy and specializing in film studies, and many, many years ago I spent two years in a small town in Minnesota, which was my first impression of America.

P.S.: My favorite city is NYC and I hope I can settle down there one day, but one country I really want to visit is Germany.

Perché sono iscritto su Couchsurfing

During my last month in the US I was dealing with some somewhat unexpected but serious financial issues. My lease was ending and I needed a place to stay so that I could arrange a few important meetings with professors, but I wasn't able to afford another month's rent especially if I were just to rent a room for one month. A friend suggested this website, saying that he'd done this before when he was aboard. So then I had my first experience couch-surfing.

I was nervous but I was running out of choice so I just jumped off the cliff. I stayed with a couple who had recently relocated to Columbus and they were one of the sweetest people on earth. I ended up having too much stuff with me after staying up all night cleaning up the studio I'd lived for a year and returning the keys to the landlord office (although I'd already put some of my stuff in a friend's place and much earlier, sent two giant boxes of my belongings and CD collections to another friend's parents' place in Chicago...-- those things are still in Chicago, by the way), so I called the host in the afternoon telling him that I actually did need a ride now-ish. He came right away. On the way to his place which is in another beautiful neighborhood in Columbus, we talked politely but not too much, which suited me because I was so sleepy and exhausted that I could barely open my eyes. We arrived; I asked him if I could sleep for a while first, so he cleaned up the couch, put some bedsheet on it and also gave me a blanket, and I fell asleep right way. When I woke up, fully rested, it was already dark outside. That was my first day couchsurfing and the memory never left me.

* Currently in a transitional stage myself so I can't host at this point, but I'm sure I'll try hosting people and give back to the community when I'm ready at some point in the future either here or when I'm back in the States in a year or so.

Interessi

• classical music
• road trips
• travel
• film
• indie rock

Musica, film e libri

Music: David Bowie; Chopin; Yundi Li; Bach; Mozart; Bright Eyes; Arcade Fire; Beatles; Radiohead; German techno; ...
Film: A lot... Alice in the Cities; Cherry Blossom; Lost in Translation; Closer; Summer Palace (2006), directed by Lou Ye; Paterson; Titanic; Before Midnight; Tokyo-Ga; Germany in Autumn; Three Colors; Kings of the Road; Taxi Driver; Lightening Over Water; Dead Man; ...
Book: I read lots of those books you check out in the libraries...once in a while I stumbled upon some interesting ones...but I'm a super slow reader...

Una cosa incredibile che ho fatto

I think the one big amazing thing that I've done is that I'm still here, not willing to give up on my dreams -- one of which is in the next year or two returning to the US to pursue a PhD in film studies.

Something minor but that which felt phenomenal at the moment: Once I quickly swallowed two cups of white wine before walking up to a professor to confront him at an event... (I needed his feedback/opinions on things but I feared rejection)

On travel: going to San Francisco by Amtrak from Columbus, but I actually thought that was really no big deal...

On vulnerability as strength (quoting Brene Brown): I think I used to hide a lot, I still am, unconsciously assuming that if people really know me then they wouldn't like me and thus, leave me. But only very recently have I been challenging myself, or been challenged, by life, to open up more and more. I know that may push some people away, but at least for me that may be the only way out, or through things.

Here's a post that I recently shared on Facebook while I was staying at my parents' that I decided to copy and paste here. I posted that out of utter desperation, if not despair; for someone who was always concerned about what others think of her, why that action was taken was unfathomable, but in the middle of the chaos my mind paused -- I wasn't thinking. Assuming that all my Facebook friends would unfriend me later or seriously and secretly judge me, I was instead overwhelmed by incredible warmth, support and love from former coworkers, professors, even people that I was never close with back in the US or those whom I had never met. I was blown away by the loving comments that kept coming in; my eyes were filled with tears, for a moment I couldn't make sense of all this. So here's that Facebook post that might have just to a great extent summed up part of my current struggles and also my ultimate dream.

I never really knew for sure if I was dealing with domestic violence issues these days, as I came back home from Beijing a while ago due to certain personal circumstances, but this morning, in the middle of some almost daily family chaos, my dad was yelling again, and for the first time in my life, I called 110, which is like 911 in the US. I heard my voice shaking, but the guy said that they take care of domestic violence issues and he took down our home address. During my 6 years in Columbus, during which I did not come back for even once, "home" had gradually become a strange concept to me. I remember once telling my therapist that I felt safer there in the US, an answer that surprised myself. Now I no longer feel comfortable calling this place home, in fact, it feels more soothing writing this post on Facebook here, as if it'd give me a much needed sense of security if some people out there would know a tiny little bit of what I've been going through. But when life is interrupted, when plans are derailed, when I walk in the strange/familiar landscape and again taste the taste of loneliness, it is the concept of home that has drawn me on, that sustained my dreams and ambitions, that propelled me to "crawl" forward, when I can't run, and not to give up. Will I find my people? I wonder, but then I say to myself, one day I'll be free again.

Cosa posso offrire ai padroni di casa

I want to move to NYC one day, and at the very least, live there for a while, if not forever. :p

Paesi che ho visitato

United States

Paesi in cui ho vissuto

United States