CURRENT MISSION

World Domination.

ABOUT ME

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo men with my sensuous and godlike harpsichord playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Yankees, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with impeccable accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, The Silmarillion, the Encyclopedia Britannica and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I have read every article on Wikipedia. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, spelling bees at the Kremlin, and judo matches in Beijing. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But mostly I am myself.

PHILOSOPHY

We must strive for empire.

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING

By exercising my Imperial, Tribunal, and Consular powers. The proposed reforms will be implemented! And when the voting roll is posted, the people will know who has their best interest at heart. But seriously, I hope to host anyone who happens to come through my side of WI. Meet friendly folk and have good times.

COUCHSURFING EXPERIENCE

Hopefully only awesomeness can come from this!!

Interests

I enjoy reading fantasy series, historical novels and almost anything that has to deal with the Senate and People of Rome (SPQR).

Going out and partying is always a blast, I generally don't turn down a night out. Politics. Learning, I love to learn.

• documentaries
• dining
• cooking
• exercise
• partying
• politics
• reading
• traveling
• origami
• scuba diving
• hang gliding
• tennis
• physics

Music, Movies, and Books

Lord of the Rings, Goodbye! Lenin, Star Wars, anything really... but in music I hate country. A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE!!! Wheel of Time. Sword of Truth. Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire.

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

TIME WARP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Teach, Learn, Share

Be nice, read about empire and whatever you do never throw a scissors at someone to attract their attention, it can only end badly.

Countries I’ve Visited

Austria, Canada, Germany, Liechtenstein, Netherlands, Spain, Switzerland

Countries I’ve Lived In

United States