CURRENT MISSION

Lose the weight I added while my right foot was injured.

Get a job in VA so that I can live in my own home and be with my family.

ABOUT ME

Apr 29th, 2021:

The feel like I am slowly rebuilding my life. Slowly. My new job is slowly growing on me. This is good.

I hope you are doing well.

Take care

Feb 28, 2021

Well....I read your profile change and made a good guess as to what it meant. I was 38 when my father died. It was one of the saddest experiences in my life. If you may recall, your father came to visit you one time where we worked together. He impressed me as being a very nice man. I am truly so sorry for your loss. I will pray for your well being Amiga. Take care and Giod bless you always.

Feb 27, 2021

Well...I’m getting tired of this Corona nonsense. I can’t wait till it is over with.

I am enjoying my new work. I am preparing new young engineers in spirit to be engineers in actuality. I have some who are like rock stars. Then there are others who are like rocks...Sigh...

I truly hope your life is going well, that you are happy, are in good health, are surrounded by those who love you, and so on. I hope your work is fulfilling, and brings you joy.

I think I am going to do a half marathon in the fall. I am hopelessly slow now, but will just focus on completing it. The speed of my youth is probably gone for good. I’m not happy about that, but I can accept it.

Again, thank you for all the times you were so very kind to me. It was truly wonderful to have a nice, kind person to talk to when I was lonely. Thank you just for being yourself and a being a good, decent human being.

Take care and God Bless you always!

Jan 16th, 2021

Well... I’m doing a completely different line of work. I just hope I can do it for the next 20 years, and hopefully have all of my bills paid off and be able to retire.

I won’t say why, but just thank you for being so kind to me. Whenever I am really sad I just think about how kind you used to be to me. I hope you can accept my words of gratitude in the spirit in which they are offered.

As always, I hope you are doing well.

Take care and God Bless you always.

Sept 08, 2020

Well...I’m still doing my A JOB. I’ve given up doing what I used to do. I’m not getting any calls back. I’ll have to try something else. Sigh.

I hope you had a happy Labor Day!

Apt. 26th, 2020

Well...I am doing an A JOB. I am grateful for it, now that we officially have 32 million who are out of work, not to mention that at least another 10 million have no job but aren’t considered to be unemployed. Not to say why, but I am again grateful for all the times you were so kind to me. I’m having one of those moments when I fall back on it for my sanity. Thank you for being so kind to me.

God bless you and take care.

Apr 10th, 2020,

Well, this Corona virus thing stinks. At least I am
Healthy and am doing ok. Wow hope you are as well.

I hope you have a happy Easter!

Mar 9th, 2020

To my Dear Friend,

I suppose you will read this some day. It saddens me greatly that you haven’t logged in in over a year. I truly don’t know what to say.

The last job that was one of my many forgettable jobs came to an end at the end of January. It didn’t make me cry a single tear. In a week I start a new job in a different industry. I am very excited about that.

I am sad about having had my last job in the industry that I’ve worked in for almost 30 years. I feel like I was abandoned by my lover. I poured my heart and soul into getting the sort of job that I wanted. As a buddy of mine put it, it feels like someone retired me but forgot to tell me. I feel like my lover turned her back on me.

Without going into why, today I had one of those days where I closed my eyes for a few moments and pretended it was 10 years ago and you and I were having one of the nice conversations we used to have. I had to think for a moment about when you used to give me compliments. I just really needed it badly. Thank you for giving me those wonderful memories. I’m not sure, but I think you are the last person who complimented me in person. That is hard to take as I try to be liberal with giving compliments. It’s just nice to see the smile on someone’s face.

At least I am now getting a few compliments online. I started complimenting this girl who lives in Eastern Europe. She likes my compliments. My guess is I’ve found a friend who I can write nice notes to. I doubt I will ever get to meet her, but I would love to. I’ve actually written her some of my god awful poetry. She really likes it. That’s cool.

One of my deepest regrets is that I never got the chance to do the same to you. Even though my poetry stinks, I enjoy expounding on a woman’s virtues poetically. With you there is a lot about which to expound. I would have loved to Have written you poetry just to say what a wonderful person I think you are and to say that I genuinely care about you. I hold no hope of ever being able to do that. At least I can have my fantasy. You are also very pretty. I would have enjoyed composing about your beauty.

I hope all is well with you, that you are in good health, wealth, and good fortune.

Take care and God Bless you always!

Dec 30th, 2019:

Well, I suppose some day you will read this. I’m doing fine. My new job is going awfully slowly, but I have a paycheck, so that is good. I don’t know what the New Year has in store for me, but I hope it is all good. As for you, I hope you have a fantastic new year, that you have good health, good fortune, happiness, and are always surrounded by those who love you.

And as always, an apology is waiting for you whenever you are ready to receive it.

Take care and God Bless you!

Dec 8th, 2019:

Well, I’m freezing my butt off in NY. I have a short term gig here.

It’s been almost a decade since we first met each other. It’s still amazing to me that it took almost 6 months to notice what a nice person you are. I’m still very grateful for how kind you were to me. I’m still very sad about how our friendship fell apart for reasons that I don’t understand. But no ill will, no hard feelings.

As always, thank you for how kind you were to me. I am very sorry that I upset you when a I tried to express my gratitude for how you treated me, but I will never be sorry for trying to express my gratitude for your kindness to me.

As sad as it sounds, and it is sad, since that day we exercised together I have yet to get anybody to exercise with me. That’s been 9 years. Just about every time I exercise I ask my wife to join me. She declines, often with hostility. It makes me sad, and makes me appreciate the one time you exercised with me. I know it’s pathetic to feel so grateful for someone doing one nice thing for me, but nobody has asked me since then, and those who I have asked have turned me down.

In 2015 I ran a 1/2 marathon to celebrate recovering from being injured by Cipro. I asked people to join me, primarily relatives, and gave them 6 months notice. Nobody joined me. I didn’t get a single taker.

Thank you for being so kind as to ask me to exercise with you, and thank you for your kind compliments, and asking me to do a few other other things with you, like your vacation to Chicago. I know it may not have meant a lot to you, but it meant a lot to me.

Recently I had been posting compliments to this girl on FB who posts a ton of pics of herself and as best I could tell sought attention. I was rather taken aback when she told me I was going overboard. I feel
Fortunate if I get one compliment a year. It doesn’t compute with me to turn down a compliment. I’ve never experienced so many compliments that I could treat them like a cheap commodity that I could turn down. She is very pretty, but what she doesn’t realize is that some day the compliments will come to an end. I’ll also note that she was trying to sell pics of herself. After being told to chill in the compliments I decided not to buy any. Had I not been told to chill on compliments I probably would have bought some. I do value my self respect.

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Take care and God Bless you.

Nov 12th, 2019:

Well, I’m in Germany training for my new job. The pace of the training is a little slow, but I am getting some. A big contrast to some of my past jobs.

I had a girl tonight tell me I was going overboard complimenting her. It left me kind of badly depressed. I never thought that sending someone kind wishes was a negative. Admittedly I do so in the kind of
forlorn hope that if I send out 1000 compliments maybe one will Garner me a thank you. I can’t get my wife to accept a compliment, although I do keep trying. Maybe some day she will start accepting my compliments again. At this point I would be ecstatic over a smile. I just keep hoping that if I keep trying she will some day relent.

I hope all is well with you.

Take care!

Oct 9th, 2019,

I start a new job in Nov. I’ll be working out of my home, but I’ll go to Germany for training. SWEET!!!. Then I’ll be doing field service r engineering work, primarily on the east coast. I should be home every weekend. A vast improvement over a decade ago.

I’ll be in Tulsa for 3 days in a week. A dear friend was killed in a car wreck. He was hit by a drunk driver. Very sad...

I hope all is well with you.

Take care,

Sept 17th, 2019,

Well, I had a very nice interview yesterday. I don't know if I got the job or not. I'm sure that there are a ton of applicants, and I'm surely not the youngest. That weighs on me a lot. I'm getting judged negatively concerning my age. At this point in my life it seems my length of experiences counts for negative points. I feel like I'm being treated like a worn out piece of machinery.

That being said, a year ago someone said some things about me that were very negative and dishonest. I sent the hiring manager a note after I calmed down and did my best to refute what had been said about me. Much to my shock I was offered a second opportunity at interviewing. I had and have low expectations with respect to being hired. I do think that I successfully corrected the false negative statements that were made about me a year ago. At least that is good. That is something that makes me very happy. Whether or not I get a job out of it, that's a different story.

I hope all is well with you and that you are doing well.

Take care and God Bless you.

July 22nd, 2019

Well, my job is working me hard for what in the big picture scheme of things really isn't a lot of cash. That being said, something is better than nothing.

I logged into a secondary job hunting account I have and was a little disappointed at what I found. That being said, no hard feelings. I only have the kindest wishes towards the entire world. No negative response from me.

I'm thankful to have the job that I have, but it is a go-nowhere type of job. The commute is a pain. 75 miles each way. I need to find a job that pays the same or more and is closer to home. The drive is sucking me dry. I'm working 12 hour shifts, have over an hour commute in each direction. At the end of the day I am just exhausted. I'm a little afraid of falling asleep while driving. Kind of scary.

I had a nice workout this morning. At least that is a bright spot. I'm not running as well as I did 8 years ago before I was injured 7 years ago, but I am doing better than I have done in a long time. At least that is a bright spot in my life.

Again, I want to say how thankful I am for how kind you were to me. There are many times those experiences to me are a source of comfort for me. At least for a while I had a kind friend who would talk to me and share her thoughts with me, and vice versa. At least for a while I felt like the king of the world. Some people's treasures may be elsewhere, but finding a very nice friend was something that made me feel like a very fortunate man. I'm not sure exactly how you felt or feel about me, but thank you for just being so kind and nice to me. I was so lonely. You just being yourself did a lot to sooth the horrible pain of loneliness that I was experiencing. I don't think it is possible to fully express my gratitude. That being said, thank you for being so kind to me and at least for a while making some of my pain from loneliness go away.

As always, I hope that all is well with you, that you are in good health, that your are having success, that you are surrounded by family and friends who care about you, and so on. Take care and God Bless you!111

June 10th, 2019

Well, my job is going ok. It's hard physical work. And it doesn't really pay enough. But I am working with nice people. So that is good.

I haven't forgotten that today is your birthday. I hope you have a wonderful celebration, and I hope you are surrounded by friends and family who make you feel special on your birthday. My birthday is in 2 days. I went out for Mexican food already. I work on my birthday. It will be uneventful. Anyway, I hope you have a very happy birthday and that you are happy, healthy, and have good fortune. I also hope you are surround by those who love you and that they make you feel very happy, special, and loved on your birthday.

Happy Birthday, take care, and God Bless you!

June 4th, 2019

I had a nice weekend in DC. I went to the African American History Museum at the Smithsonian. It was an excellent museum. Absolutely worth going to.

My job is going ok. It does have the redeeming feature that it is so physically demanding that I am losing weight. That is a huge plus. And I work with a lot of very nice people. However, it doesn't even come close to paying enough. For the sake of my health I think I need to find a way to make it work. The weight loss is a very serious consideration.

Up in DC I got to see an old friend and her daughter, as well as being there with my family. It was very nice to see an old friend. She is still the same really sweet person who I met almost 40 years ago. And although I can tell she is no longer in her 20s I thought she looked stunningly beautiful. She's just a really sweet person who is as beautiful inside as she is outside. It was really nice to be able to spend some time with an old friend. It did my heart well.

I've seen all the nasty weather in Tulsa. I hope you are safe. I never will forget in 1986 when the Arkansas River had so much water behind Keystone that the Corps of Engineers opened up the floodgates at Keystone that 300,000 cubic ft/sec. were flowing past Tulsa.

I hope you are well. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and God Bless you!

May 28th, 2019

I've been seeing in the news about the flooding and tornadoes in Tulsa. I hope that you are safe, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I had an interview in Phoenix at a shall we say major electronics company. The interview was a farce. I wasn't interviewed by people who had a lot of overlap with my background. I wasn't given a legit technical interview. I was also asked this question that when it came down to it was a political litmus test. I was asked how diversity had saved the day and been a real asset where I had worked. I explained that I had grown up in Southern California, and had always been in a diverse environment, and that I had nothing against which to compare it. I think I was supposed to gush about how wonderful diversity was, etc., which I refused to do. I have no proof, of course, but I am pretty sure that the whole point of the question was to find an excuse to keep an older person out. It was a very disgusting question.

My job that I have in VA is going ok. However, it doesn't even come close to paying enough. I'll either need to get a better paying job, or get a 2nd job.

That all being said, at least I am home. That is good.

I hope you are doing well, or at least am doing better than I am.

Take care and God Bless you!

May 4th, 2019

Well...Next week I interview in AZ. My expectations are low, but I am going to do my best. At least I will be able to visit with some family and friends.

I have a job in VA. It isn't a job to write home about, but it is an A JOB. I am thankful to have it. I've had a very hard time finding work. I think I would be better off being an ignorant idiot. Sigh...

I hope all is well.

Take care

Mar 18th, 2019

Well, I'm up at O'Dark 30 sending out resumes. It's looking promising with regard to getting a job SOMEWHERE. I'm just not sure it will end up being near my home. Locally my job hunt goes slowly. It is so frustrating. I have no desire to be away from my home nor my family. I am, however, hopeful.

I hope that your life is going well, that you are happy, are in good health, and so on.

Take care!

Mar. 4th, 2019:

The job hunt is still going slowly, although I am getting more nibbles. This is so frustrating. I haven't had a full-time job in almost 18 months. I've had some short term gigs, but nothing permanent.

I had an awesome upper body workout tonight. My body is dead. After 2 hours I felt to spent to do the treadmill. Perhaps that is just as well, as my right foot still isn't healed yet fully. It is getting better though.

I sent out 1000 resumes over the weekend. Hopefully that will yield some valuable harvest.

Take care and God Bless you!

Feb. 26th, 2019

Well, I had a nice interview in an industry in which I have never worked. Interpersonally I think it went great. I'm not sure that I have the technical background that they are looking for. I had a phone screen today. I thought it had gone well. The next step got nixed over something that is just infuriating. In Dec. a PERM job was posted by this company. It's a set aside for H1-B people and people who are in the country on student visas. The game is to prove that there isn't an American who can do the job. Well I was out of work, and in my opinion I can do that job, and this person doesn't get their green card because I, as an American, can do that job, that's their problem, not mine. So I applied. I had a phone screen. And then I didn't get the job. But I got to talk to someone, so I viewed it as a plus. 2 months later they had a job posting for an entry level job. A JOB is better than no job. So no complaints from me, I applied. I had my phone screen today. I thought it had gone well. Then I got an email from the recruiter saying that because I had been rejected based on a phone screen for a job I was never going to get because it was a set-aside for someone on an H1-B visa or something like that, that I had to wait a certain period of time before I could apply again. I feel like I was slimed. It's a good thing I am a very calm person. I am just shocked at being treated like this. I guess I would never do anything like this to anyone. The level of disrespect is very high. I just can't imagine why anyone would do anything like that.

Fortunately after that I had a phone calm from a pre-IPO company. No promises, but getting stock options and being a part of an IPO would be fantastic. It could be my get-out-of-jail free card. Knock on wood.

I hope you life is doing a lot better than mine is right now. I feel very frustrated about the job search.

Take care and God Bless You!

Feb 22nd, 2019

I just wanted to say thank you for how kind you were to me so many years ago. It meant a lot to me then, and it still does today. I am very grateful for how kindly you treated me.

Take care and God Bless you!

Feb 15th, 2019

To me dear friend,

I know I am repeating myself, but that is ok. Thank you for all the times you were so very kind to me. I've never forgotten how kind you were to me, and I never will. I hope some day that I get the opportunity to tell you in person how much your kindness meant and STILL means to me. You were an angel to a very lonely man. You were an oasis to a man who was dying of thirst. My gratitude was and still IS in the extreme.

I am also aware that I owe you an apology. If ever offered the opportunity to do so, I will gladly avail myself of that opportunity. The whole thing that happened seems like such a tragedy. We were both very nice people with honorable intentions. I don't quite understand what happened, but I guess sometimes these things can happen, even to two people who are really nice and have the best of intentions towards each other. That all being said, I had a very stupid moment in my life. There is no question in my mind that I owe you an apology. And I am of the opinion that I need to perform an act of humility, a sort of ritual humiliation. And that is, at least in my opinion, to look you straight in the eyes and tell you that I had a very stupid moment in my life, and that there was no excuse for it, and ask you for your forgiveness. And in the same vein, offer forgiveness to you for the insult that you hurled at me the day before the blizzard. I would be very petty if I asked for forgiveness without offering it as well. If you don't want to do it face-to-face, skype, facetime, or something like that is acceptable to me. I am 100% positive that I owe you an apology. I haven't had many stupid moments in my life, but the one 8 years ago...It was and is very rare for me. I never did anything like that before, and I haven't done it since. You live long enough you'll eventually have at least one dumb moment. Mine was a doosy. And I am very sorry I accidentally scared you. And I am sorry I had a dumb moment, and it was very, very dumb. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I have a new, interesting, and annoying injury: Turf toe. It's basically a mild sprain from overuse. But it takes forever to heal. And it is extremely painful. It's putting a crimp in my workouts. I hope it will be healed in 2 months for a 10K that I will be doing. Knock on wood.

Anyway, thank you again for all the times you were so very kind to me. When I made you that cup of tea that was part of what I was trying to say, that I was very grateful that you were kind to me as a friend and asked me to exercise with you. It had been ages since anyone had asked that of me You made me feel like a rich, wealthy man. I know in the big picture scheme of things perhaps it wasn't a big deal But it was for me. Asking me to exercise was something that I valued highly. I am very sorry that when I tried to express my gratitude that it upset you, but I will never be sorry for trying to express how truly grateful I was that you asked me to exercise with you. I came to recognize what a really nice and wonderful person you are. I will never be sorry for trying to say thank you to you. I am sorry that I upset you by trying to do so. But the sentiments that I was trying to express I will never be sorry for trying to express my gratitude for having such a really nice friend. I just hope that some day I can get a do-over to express my gratitude for how thankful that I was that you asked me to exercise with you. I know it was really only a tiny act of kindness. But I valued it a lot. I have no regrets about trying to express the gratitude that I had and still HAVE in my heart. I am just so very sorry that I did a poor job of communicating what I was trying to say and accidentally upset you.

I suppose that is enough for now.

Take care and God Bless you!

Feb 13th, 2019

Well...I am finally starting to get some job nibbles. Just none near my home. There was one that would have been a 140 mile commute each direction. Although a crazy commute, at least I would be home most of the time. It would seem that I have been deemed to be overqualified, or something like that. My disappointment is severe. I've made what a call a DBR resume. Dumb as a Box of Rocks. It's very watered down to try and get A JOB. Any job near my home. But nobody bites. I would have thought that someone with many years of experience would get a chance at something. But, it seems not. I've been sending out resumes up and down the food chain. But no answers...

A company that does computer chip manufacturing that is 109 miles from my house is expanding to its existing factory. I have applied to jobs there. But the response is zero. I feel like the invisible man, but I am capable of fixing many of their issues. It is very, very frustrating. It absolutely kills me that somebody with zero experience has more credibility in their eyes than I do with my decades of experience. It's a good thing that I am a calm person. A rash and impulsive person might be libel to do something foolish under similar circumstances.

As always, thank you for being so kind to me. When I get sad or depressed I think of how kind you were to me. It lightens my mood. My gratitude was and still is in the extreme. I just hope that some day I can have the opportunity to express my gratitude for how kind you were to me. It meant a lot to me then, and it still means a lot to me today.

Take care and God Bless you!

Feb 7th, 2019

Well...My job hunting continues. It is just going slowly. It is very frustrating. I just want to scream sometimes. What really kills me is people who are half my age are being given a chance while I am being passed over. And I know I can do a lot more than the young people. But I'm being treated like I'm worn out.

I had a really bad day today. I won't go into the details. As is my habit, I prefer to focus on something positive. Several years ago you said such nice things to me, and were just so kind to me. It really meant a lot to me then, and it still does now. When I have a bad day I fall back on those experiences to maintain my sanity. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.

Take care and God Bless you!!!

Jan. 23rd, 2019

Well, today seemed like a good day. I had a very nice interview. The bad news is that the job is about a 2 1/2 hour drive away. Any port in a storm though.

It was funny. The job that I was submitted for is very much a blue collar type job. However, my resume has my BS and MS on it. I think the hiring manager is going to try and create a position for me. I am going to keep my expectations low though. I don't want to have any false hope. I've learned to not get my hopes up. When my hopes are dashed it is so depressing. Soooo I'm keeping my expectations low.

I hope all is well with you.

Take care and God Bless you...

Jan 18th, 2019

Well...My job hunting isn't going well. I've been trying to get a job near my home. I'm failing miserably. I've made what I call a DBR resume: Dumb as a Box of Rocks. I kind of think my past job titles and responsibilities are scaring people off. I have been getting better responses from Pennsylvania. At least I have relatives there. It is very, very disappointing that I have been unable to find a job near home. It seems I am sentenced to continue to be a gypsy. I'm not a happy camper.

I had a job interview in MN. That was shall we say interesting. I caught the hiring manager in a lie. I decided to take a pass. It made me wonder what else I was being lied to about. Sigh...

I am hoping that I can find my permanent work home. I need my forever job...

I've applied to a few jobs in semiconductors, what I've done my entire adult life. It seems that I'm too old in their eyes. I can't seem to get any job at any level. Such is life.

I hope all is well with you. Take care and God Bless you!

Dec. 30th, 2018

My dear friend,

I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and I wish for you to have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!

My job hunt continues. I have 2 jobs that look very promising. One I already had the job interview, the other one I've had a phone screen with a promise of an interview. The second one is 4 miles from my house. That would be soooooooo nice!!!!

Last night I was thinking about all the kind things that you used to say to me. I hope some day I get to thank you, and to reciprocate and say kind things to you as well. You were so very, very nice to me. It was meaningful to me then, and it still is today. I hope that some day that I can return to you the kindness that you gave to me, and say some kind things to you, compliment you about what a nice person you are, as well as to say how pretty your eyes, hair, and smile are. You gave me compliments when I really needed them. I hope that some day that I can do the same to you, and I hope that if I get that opportunity, that it will give back to you the happiness that your compliments gave to me.

Take care and God Bless you!

Dec. 14th, 2018

Well, I got the word from MN. I didn't get the job. I am ok with that. I caught the hiring manager in a lie. It makes me wonder what else he was lying about.

I have an interview in town here later today. I am super stoked about that. I would love to have a short commute again, and for me and my family to be able to live like normal human beings again. I don't know if I will get the job or not, but I plan on swinging for the fences. It looks like a nice place.

I had a very nice phone screen yesterday for a company that does what I've done my whole adult life. I think I did very well. The job is a step backwards professionally, but just to get the opportunity to do what I am good at and really enjoy would be nice.

I don't know when you will read this, but I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. I don't believe in that Happy Holiday nonsense. It's Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I suppose I could talk forever. I'll keep things short. I just hope that life is going well for you, that you are in good health, happy, prosperous, and are surrounded by family and friends who love you and care for you.

Take care and God Bless you!

Dec. 9th, 2018

Well...I had a nice interview in MN. I am very qualified for the job. I just don't know if I want to do that job anymore. The last few jobs I've had in that industry, when there has been a blip in the economy, I end up having a big bull's eye painted on me. I'm among the first to get laid off. It's a pay/age thing. A blatant case of discrimination. But I can't be 22 again. That was over 30 years ago. Sadly. I did get to know the people who I would be working with i hired. But...I'm looking for a job near my home. I'm not looking for a job that's over 1000 miles from my home.

I hope life is treating you well.

Take care...

Nov 19, 2018

To my Dear Friend,

Without going into the reasons why, I just wanted to say thank you for the kind words that you used to say to me. I regrettably never had a good opportunity to express that to you when we worked together. But suffice it to say, it meant a lot to me then and it still does to me today. I hope that some day I can express my gratitude in person.

Take care and God Bless you! )

Nov. 12th, 2018

Well, in the morning I start looking in earnest for my next job. Since Mon. is a holiday, on Tuesday I go to the unemployment office. Sigh. I'll also make sure that I exercise, and find something to study as well.

I hope your life is going very well. I think of you often. I also worry about you, as what I have learned suggests to me you are struggling in life. I know a lot of it is due to the rotten economy that you graduated into. If you don't get that fantastic job right out of the chute after graduating you can get labeled as being unmotivated, etc. The past decade for me has been a disaster as far as career development is concerned. I've only been able to find jobs that are shall we say questionable, OSU being a prime example, or one where I'm there for some ulterior motive, like one place where I was hired to be the fall guy because the engineering manager made a promise to the owner that he couldn't keep. I know others may not know or see your talents, but I do. I know you are very smart and very motivated. If I had some way of giving you a job that would allow you to fulfill all of your dreams I would.

My most recent job was a joke. It was reviewing the quality documents at a bank. I was never partnered up with someone to show me what my job was supposed to be. In spite of that, I did catch a clue, and ran as hard with that as I could. I was then told to slow down. I completed all of the work that was required of me way early. Normally someone who does that is rewarded with more work. My reward was to be laid off. The place seemed very laid back, and I was working as if someone was chasing me. In my most recent work experiences, and for that matter, most of my adult life, I've worked at places that has fierce international competition from people who are just as smart as I am who make a fraction of what I make. My response is to work as hard as I can as fast as I can. I kind of think that perhaps my presence there working like that might have upset the status quo. There didn't seem to be any urgency. And I was working with loads of urgency. I don't know though.

I hope all is well with. I continue to pray for your well being. And I am hopeful that the day will come when I can perform an act of humility and apologize to you to your face for being supremely stupid. And I hope you will be willing to accept my apology that I am positive I owe you and I am positive you deserve.

On a different note, my running is progressing. Slowly to be sure, but it is getting better. I'm not running as well as I was 7 or 8 years ago, but I am running better than I have in a long time. Although I am positive I could complete a 10k today, I wouldn't be able to do so in style, shall we say. I am hopeful that 6 months from now I will be able to run a 10k in a time I will be happy with. I hope I will be able to start doing half-marathons and marathons again as well.

Take care and God Bless you!

Nov. 6th, 2018

Well...I had a short-term gig working at a bank. Absolutely bizarre. I never received any training. I was never partnered with anyone. When I tried to work hard I was told to stop. I'll just say the place was odd. I'm glad it is over with.

Off to find the next job. Sigh...

Oct. 2nd, 2018

I went to a job fair in Upstate NY near where I used to work. There was a major layoff there, and a company from Utah came to town to hire some people, and since it was possible to just show up and get an interview, I did. I got about what I expected. Thanks but no thanks. Most of the people there were fairly young PhD type researchers. My feeling is they were people without green cards yet. There seemed to be a feeling of desperation, and rightly so. Not enough life boats on the Titanic.

I start a new job next week. It's an analyst at a bank. I have no clue as to what I am supposed to do. I suppose I will learn.

Take care!

Sept. 27th, 2018

I made an interesting find: The remnants of some of the coffee we used to share together. I plan on enjoying it and recalling the happy memories that I associate with it. I felt myself to be a very fortunate man to have such a nice friend with whom to have something to share. I was so terribly lonely. It was about the only social interaction that I was having. It meant the world to me to have someone with whom to converse about any subject. Anyway, I plan on enjoying it and remembering that happy things that it represents to me.

I am going to a job fair this weekend in NY. The place at which I used to work had a major layoff, and another computer chip company is going there to try and poach off some of the talent. I'm going there as my final act of working in the computer chip industry. I know there is no way in the infernal region that I stand a chance of getting hired. I'm not a recent college grad. They want someone who is 30 years younger than I am. It's kind of bitter in the sense that I know good and well I can ring circles around those young kids, and I can do more today than I could at that age. However, that no longer matters. I'm viewing it as there loss, not mine. As I have discovered, when you are old enough to be your potential boss' father, you usually don't get called back.

I had an interview recently for a job where I could have walked right in and been very successful. It would have been a step backwards in job title and pay. That being said, my bills don't care about my job title. All they care about is cash. I interviewed very well, but then was sent an email, that if you read between the lines, said I was overqualified. While that may be true, I need employment. More importantly, I'm sure I have outside ideas that would have been very valuable. I was told to pursue an engineering position for which they don't have an opening...In the mean time, I need cash.

I've had a good run in what I've done my adult life. I'm a bit sad in that it is coming to an end. I can at least reflect that unlike most people, I got to do something that I really wanted to do. Most people do whatever work that they find. While I will admit that perhaps I didn't know that I was going to work in the computer chip industry growing up, when I did start working in it, I did feel like I had found a home.

Time to move on. I'm just not sure what or where that will be. After Sunday I'm calling it quits for semiconductors. I'm walking away on my own terms. It's been a lot of fun!

Sept. 25th, 2018

Well, it looks like I'll be back to work next week. I am happy about it. But I have some mixed feelings. Moving into a new industry is a good thing. Branching out and learning something new will be good. But I am sad about probably never doing again what I did for a 1/4 century. Although economically it is unstable, I love it. It's fun. It's stimulating. I miss all the fun things I used to do, and I miss all the nice people I used to work with. I'll find some other way to make a living and get some mental stimulation. But I'll find something else to do. I am, however, going to one last job fair this weekend. I want to take one last chance to do what I love so much. I'll probably be told no. People over 40 are treated like a worn out car. But I want to try.

Take care and God Bless you!

Sept 21, 2018

To my dear friend:

I just wanted to say thank you for the times that even when sometimes I didn't make the best cup of coffee you would always find something kind to say. It was nice feeling appreciated. I sadly am not always treated that way. But I really appreciated when you were kind to me. Today I really appreciate it, and am thankful for it.

Take care and God Bless you!

Sept. 18, 2018

Well, I seem to be close to getting employed. It's a contract gig. It's something entirely different than what I have done in the past, so that is a good thing. I wish I could have had this lined up 2 months ago, but such is life. A lot of companies are contacting me right now. Hopefully I can find THE JOB.

My training seems to be going ok. Not where I want to be, but that is ok. At least I'm making progress.

I hope all is well with you my dear friend. I do think about you and worry about you, even after everything you said to me. I know you told me off, told me that I wasn't your friend, etc. But I still worry about your well being. I also still think a lot about what you said to me when we exercised together. I still feel very ashamed that I couldn't figure out something so simple. I am so sorry, and if you haven't already, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. And I feel like somehow or another my failure to say something meaningful that night when you tried to tell me that something was wrong somehow or another led to our friendship melting down and falling apart. I feel I failed you badly, that I let you down as a friend when I froze and didn't say anything when you said something bad happened to you. I just hope that some day you can forgive me for not knowing what to say that night, and in the days, weeks, months, and now years later. The only excuse that I have to offer is that it was outside my range of experiences in life. I hope you can understand that, and that that gap in my knowledge is forgivable.

Take care and God Bless you!

Sept. 3, 2018

I am having a low key Labor Day weekend. No real exciting plans. I guess I'll send out resumes over the holiday. A necessity of life.

I was reviewing the statistics for manufacturing labor in VA in general and Richmond in particular. The grime tale that the stats paint are shocking. The jobs that were lost for good, and never to return is just sad. Regrettably I'm not some 28 year old stunner in the Bronx who apparently has some sort of backing and is able to get at least nominated for Congress in spite of never having accomplished anything in life. It makes me wonder what the people in that Congressional district are thinking. At least she has some education, so I'll give her that, but beyond that she really hasn't done anything. Shaking my head.

But back to the main point, if I could get a soap box and megaphone I would be screaming about how the US Federal Gov't over the years has killed tens of millions of jobs, and among them, jobs that I have done. I do get that automation would probably kill some of those jobs, and due to other countries developing and having lower wage rates, that this would probably suck jobs in that direction as well. That all being said, it doesn't mean that the US government has to help it along.

Anyway, aside from the job hunt and the cash woes this represents, all is well. I'm hoping that with the cooler weather I can do better on my running. This hot, humid weather has been putting a crimp in my style with regard to that. I'm ready for fall. Or maybe getting a job in Southern California!

Take care and God Bless!

Sept. 2, 2018

I got criticized tonight for having "ugly feet" . I couldn't even get it modified to rugged feet. I couldn't get a compliment over having pretty blue eyes. This is one of those times I fall back to the past. I thought about how good it felt in Aug-Sep 2010 when I received a compliment over a new green shirt that I had. And how grateful I was and still am for being given that nice compliment, and how good it made me feel. Thank you for that kind compliment. I did and still do feel thankful that I had a dear friend who was thoughtful enough to say something kind to me.

Take care and God Bless you!

Sep 1st, 2018

Well, I was adding things up. Over the past 8 years a total of 8 girls have given me the heave ho on FB. One did so without any explanation. A couple just stopped talking to me. Another one defriended and blocked me after I gave her a compliment. Then there was the 1 person who led to the next 5. I guess some how or another I rub young girls the wrong way. Oh well. I'm hoping that perhaps at an older age that things will be perceived differently. Sigh. I think some of it has to do with being in different situations in life, perceiving things differently, etc. On the girls side they are young, pretty, and guys are probably complimenting them all the time. Hence both the action and the men are both cheap commodities.

On my end, I'm kind of deprived for attention. No compliment ever elicits a reciprocation from my wife. Nor does any gift. So I seek it from others. If someone makes me a compliment, I try and return the favor. For whatever reason this gets viewed negatively. Somehow or another a simple kind compliment gets interpreted as hey baby come and --- me. And if someone does compliment me, I try and return the favor. And I start sending over kind words and compliments, no matter how many times it is ignored or rejected. The sad forlorn optimism is that if I am ignored or rejected 999 times, that if I try a little harder #1000 will yield positive results. It's kinda bad that I'm willing to accept that low of a return, but it's better than nothing at all. I guess because I am willing to absorb being rejected that much and still come back with a smile on my face shakes them up or something. I don't know. Nobody has ever been kind enough to elucidate their feelings.

I'm kind of reminded of the cult of aircraft among Pacific islanders. During WW2 the US gov't used to pay these people with food and other necessities. And then the war ended and they left. Now they build airplane mockups to try and entice them to come back. When somebody is kind and compliments me I try and return the compliment, and will continue returning the compliment or the kindness until I get more. And sadly, I am so lonely that it is acceptable to heap out 1000 compliments in the hope of getting 1. It's a testimony to sad, forlorn optimism. Sending out the compliments is a coping mechanism from being lonely. To accept the reality that no more compliments are coming would be debilitating. So you follow the false hope to try and survive loneliness. And you are generous with compliments in the hope that someone will be kind and return the compliment, or something like that.

Sometimes chasing the forlorn hope is better than having no hope at all.

God Bless you!!!

Aug. 30th, 2018

Well, I got my Lean Six Sigma Yellow Belt. I don't know if it is worth a damn, but it's another bullet point on my resume. Things are looking very promising. I just hope that I can get a permanent position soon. Being out of work is the pits.

I'm going to TX for a brief visit to see my Mom. I haven't been there in a year. This trip is overdue.

Take care.

Aug 29th, 2018

Well...It looks like I will get a job offer. This is good. The bad news is it's one of those contract sort of positions. Ugh...I'm continuing to send out resumes. I am having an interview in the near future with a defense contractor. That would be wonderful. I would love to have a job that is stable, so that I can plan the rest of my life.

I was checking the BLS website concerning manufacturing type jobs in Richmond. The story the stats tell is sad. A huge number of manufacturing jobs have bled away from Richmond over the past 20 years. They haven't returned. It's no wonder, given my background, why I am struggling to find work here.

I discovered recently that someone who I have never met before , at least in my opinion, slandered me. I applied for a job where I do know some people. I had a nice interview, and I thought I was going to get a job offer. I then didn't get it. Someone I know at that place told me that a guy there had bad mouthed me. It seems he contacted someone who shall we say has a negative opinion of the entire world, or at least those with who this person works. I have a good idea who the origin of the negative opinion is, and this person over the course of 18 months fired 4 people explicitly (all engineers), demoted one person so badly he may as well have been fired, demoted our most senior, most respected engineer, and due to this person's behavior, 2 people sought lateral transfers inside that company, and another guy quit and started his own business.

I don't have the goods on the person who I think was the origin of the negative opinion, but I do on the person who parroted that opinion. I believe I will be sending that person a cease and desist notice.

Take care.

Aug. 24th, 2018

Well, I had an excellent interview. I was told there was only one other person interviewing for the job. 50% chance of getting the job. I live close by and can start immediately. The other person would have to relocate. Apparently they want somebody quickly. I may have the inside track, thank God!!!

Other than that, all is well. I discovered a place where I have applied for a job committing one of the most egregious violations of the H1-B program. This is supposed to be for someone who has at least a master's degree and years of experience. This company is using it for an entry level job for someone with a BS. I'm absolutely disgusted. I'm not against immigrants, but this is nonsense...

Otherwise, all is fine. I had a nice workout today. I took it easy as I hadn't felt well earlier in the week. I'll try harder tomorrow.

Aug 21st, 2018

Am severely grouched. I was doing my job hunting, and I found a job that I am perfect for. It's a bit of a commute, but it is doable. The job is posted as a PERM job, meaning, for someone who is trying to get a green card. In theory this should be for someone who say has years of experience, and has an MS or PhD and has some skill that can't be found in the US and is in short supply. The job is an entry level process engineer job for which I could be a manager. This is something that really violates the intent of the PERM job program. I guess I'll apply for it and see if I'm given a chance, but I already know that the whole charade is to eliminate Americans who can do that job. I don't have anything against immigrants. The US is a land of immigrants. But to see this be abused, and for me and others to be locked out of job opportunities...Not a happy camper am I.

Things are going sufficiently slowly that I may have to resort to pretending that I don't have either an MS or BS, and make use of my TCC AS degree. I just want a job that I can do for the rest of my days. I am so tired of being a gypsy. I am so tired of being away from home.

I have an entrepreneurial idea that I need to pursue. I'm sure there is a need for it. I just need to make a prototype.

Need to send out more resumes. Ugh!!!

Aug 19th, 2018

I had a very nice workout today...I had been sick this past week. It felt good to be able to push myself. Not as fast as I was able to do 7-8 years ago...But much improved with respect to my recent performances.

The job hunting continues. Slowly. Very frustrating. I am hoping that a contact I had this past week will pan out. It's with a DOD manufacturer. That is probably something that will be very stable. I just wish it was in Richmond...Sob!!!

I made a low cost purchase this week that I think knocked it out of the park. A table-top swamp cooler. I am pleasantly surprised at how well it works. The AC of course takes humidity out of the air, which then makes the small swamp cooler work very efficiently. My hope is that it will slash my electricity bill. Evaporative cooling is fairly efficient, doesn't require a compressor to be running which of course is an energy hog. I'm not so sure this would work so well without the AC helping it, but on the other hand, this seems to do a really good job of helping the AC. I'm very impressed.

Time to send out more resumes, and hope that someone will court me and hire me. I had an experience this past week that was much like what happened between me and a certain person. I was sent an email where the person said he would call me, but then never did. I sent an email and left a voice mail. No response. I hate it when a job is dangled in front of me, but then is yanked away. It feels a whole lot like what happened several years ago. The whole thing of being offered false hope is very frustrating.

At least I have a bumper crop of peaches. They are kinda tiny. But they are pretty and taste good.

Take care and God Bless!

Aug. 18th, 2018

Wellllll, this has been a fun week. A diverticulitis attack. At least I know how to deal with it now. No #$%^$%#^$%#&$ Cipro. I took Pau D'Arco, Garlic, and aspirin. It worked quite nicely.

I've sent out a lot of resumes. Still watching the grass grow. There are a lot of places hiring. Just not in Richmond, VA. And a lot of companies are still pretending like it is 2010. They aren't offering relocation. WTF??? Somebody will break ranks sooner or later, and the inevitable biding war will begin. Aw, schucks!!!

My guts caused me to miss a week of training. Grr!!! I start back up in the morning.

This is annoying as hell, but it too shall pass. Knock on wood.

Take care and God Bless!!!

Aug 12th, 2018

Well, the job hunt continues. I applied for a job not too far away. If I can get in it has the redeeming feature of being DOD, so kinda isolated from a lot of economic swings. However, it's blue collar work. I don't have any problem doing that, but when one has moved from doing blue collar work to white collar work, as I've discovered, it's almost impossible to go backwards. That never occurred to me when I made that transition. On the other hand, I never considered that I could run into some really bad bosses.

A trainer at the gym I go to noticed me on the treadmill. He suggested that I have a fitness assessment. He probably won't tell me anything that I don't already know, but I'm ok with the enthusiasm. He might have some good suggestions. I'm ok with that.

My wife is shall we say herself. Emotionally unstable, bounces from good mood to bad mood at the drop of a hat for no particular reason. Leaves me shaking my head. Reminds me why I was very susceptible to a nice girl smiling at me and giving me compliments...I just wish it hadn't turned out to be a mirage...I wish the illusion that I thought I saw had been real...I fell hard for that phantom...I will also note that the apparition showered me with compliments and on multiple occasions asked me to go places with her...I was terribly lonely. I sometimes feel like I was preyed upon by someone who deliberately played a low key seductress role to get a guy to like her, and when he did grow to genuinely like her, spurned him for some sort of perverse pleasure. I'll also note that after she had her shall we say moment of drama in a legal setting, that when she saw me in public she deliberately rammed me and apparently attempted to induce me to pursue which I fortunately at that time had the good sense not to do. It's a very scarring experience to be very lonely, to have someone pretend to like you, and then when you think that the two of you are two nice people who have discovered that each is a nice person, that you think you are two nice people who have found each other and have genuinely grown to like each other, when you try to express your gratitude for the person being nice to you, you get treated like you've made some rude suggestion to do something in private, get treated like a pariah, get shunned, and get treated like the worst jerk on the planet.

It's beyond my experiences in life and beyond the sort of person who I am to understand why someone would pretend to be nice to you, compliment you, invite you out, and me having that very natural response that I got very fortunate and found someone who genuinely like me, only to spurn me when I got to where I couldn't hide it any longer. I guess I don't understand why someone would be so cruel to another person like that. I know I didn't respond very well to being insulted. I just don't understand the point of the entire exercise. I just don't understand why one person would play with another person's feelings like that.

The day she and I had a nasty argument I did ask why. She refused to answer, but responded with, "You're not my friend, you're not my colleague, you're merely someone I work with." I should have said I'm sorry you feel that way, and just walked away and washed my hands of her. If I had it to do over again that is how I would handle it.

Time to send out resumes. Ugh...

Aug 10th, 2018

The job hunt continues. I sent out resumes. I listen to the crickets chirp. The one exception was a resume I sent to Temecula, CA. I got a call back in 2 minutes...Sigh...

Just in case this out-of-work episode persists like the last ones have I'm taking advantage of the time to retool. I'm taking an autocad class and a PLC class. The two questions that I most frequently get asked are what autocad experience do I have, and what PLC have I worked with. I've worked with things that are equivalent to PLCs, but no Rockwell or Siemens PLCs, which effectively ends the conversation. I am addressing this now. I think I can probably cobble that with my past experiences and get something decent. At least I hope so...
Aug 8th, 2018

I'm getting some more nibbles. There may be a job in California for which I would be a good fit. There is also something in Virginia that looks promising. Knock on wood.

I may end up taking a couple of classes from the local community college to upgrade some of my job skills. I think I am only lacking a couple of things. Fill in those 2 holes and I think my prospects will improve significantly.

I reflect on how sad it is that in the past 8 years I have been 100% unsuccessful in getting anybody to exercise with me. It's something I really enjoy. It's nice to go and exercise and see other couples exercising together and spending time together. As sad as it sounds, and it is sad, my wife refuses to exercise with me. Once I get working again I think I will try bribes. Her Mom used to bribe her to go to confirmation. Perhaps that approach will work.

And just in case I have never thanked you, although I believe I have, thank you for asking me to exercise with you 8 years ago. It's sad and pathetic that nobody has exercised with me since then. But such is my fate. When I was in NY there was a YMCA that was near my work, and I exercised there. I used to try and strike up conversations with people, and hope that perhaps we would hit it off and I would have an exercise partner. I was 100% unsuccessful. Sadly. However, that hasn't discouraged me from exercising. It does sadden me though that I have had 0% success in trying to get somebody to exercise with me.

I did try to offer to get my wife some exercise outfits. She seemed uninterested. I'll try again. And as soon as I get some cash coming in I'm going to buy her a nice bike, and get one for myself as well. She has been asking for a bike. I'm hoping that if I can deliver on that that she will start exercising with me. At least that is my hope.

She still ignores me a lot. I'm not sure what to make of it. She does say that she loves me. But she doesn't always show it. It's a source of extreme sadness for me.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you. I also hope that God's Blessings shine upon you.

Take care and God Bless you!!!

Aug 3rd, 2018

The job search is going ok. It looks like I may be able to get a job near home. Knock on wood. My training is going ok. I just wish it would progress faster.

Aug 2nd, 2018

It looks like I have a company in town here who is interested in me. I hope it's legit as I am very tired of being a gypsy.

My exercising seems to FINALLY really be progressing. I'm not where I was 7-8 years ago. But I am making real progress. Knock on wood.

July 27th, 2018

Today I have a job interview. I hope it will go well. Knock on wood!!!

July 17th, 2018

The job hunting is proceeding like normal. SLOWLY. Ugh. At least I'm home.

July 9th, 2018

Well, my temp gig in Delaware came to an end. The lady I was subbing for came back from maternity leave. I passed down what I had done. End of assignment. Sigh...

I got a phone call from a recruiter for a local company. Knock on wood.
June 26th, 2018:

Well, things are going along. The lady I am substituting for is supposed to be back on Monday. I hope that is a good thing, as I really need some help learning what my job is. But at least for the moment I have a paycheck. It is a new experience, which is definitely a good thing. I hope it lasts for a while.

I hope all is well with you. Take care and God Bless you.

June 20th, 2018:

Well, my job is proceeding. I'm bored to tears, but I'm slowly getting a grasp on what I am supposed to be doing: Being a nag to get other people to do their work. Not exactly my cup of tea, but it pays well, so what the hell. It was humid as hell today. The AC at the gym that I go to couldn't keep up. I ended up doing resistance training rather than running. At least I did something.

June 13th, 2018

To my dear friend,

I had a wonderful birthday. I celebrated my way. I ran. My happiness was tempered by the fact that I couldn't wish you happy birthday. I'm holding out hope that some day I will be able to wish you happy birthday. My job is going ok, but I'm not getting warm vibes that it will be permanent. If it isn't, the fact that I am currently filling in for a lady who is on maternity leave is all the explanation that is really needed.

Take care.

May 25th, 2018

I'm home for 4 days over the Memorial Day Holiday. I'm getting to pick the cherries from my cherry tree. It is a simple pleasure that I love.

My birthday is less than 3 weeks away. I have no clue as to how I will celebrate. But hopefully I'll do something fun.

I am learning new things on my new job. Hopefully, whether or not this proves to be permanent, this experience will lead to permanent work. I'm also taking on-line certifications to back it up. Knock on wood.

I hope all is well. Enjoy Memorial Day!

May 21st, 2018

Well, my job is well, my job. I'm not really being shown my job. Apparently I'm supposed to explore and "discover" what my job is. Very annoying. I well. I can get with the program.

I saw you have on your list of books something about diabetes. Mine has sadly gotten worse. No matter what I do, even when I'm perfect, it doesn't seem to get better. Very, very frustrating.

I had a friend of mine post on FB today that her ex-husband had apparently been talking bad about her behind her back. I related to her that several years ago I had heard 2nd hand some of the negative things, and told her that I had stood up for her. She's a really sweet lady, your age, about 5'2", light blue eyes, fake blonde hair, beautiful pale complexion, and a stunningly curvy figure. Really nice, and stunningly beautiful. And the jerk is dissing on her. I sent her a note saying a few kind things to her. He didn't want her anymore, and now he's dissing her. Huh???

I'm working on some additional certifications to try and expand my horizons. Time will tell. I sadly don't have the physical drive that I once had. I don't know if it is just apathy, or if I have just lost a lot of physical stamina. Either way, it's very frustrating. I think there may be some depression to go with that. Even though for this job, thank goodness, I am staying with relatives, it's still not like living with one's wife. A vast improvement over the situation that I had in Tulsa though. I really had nobody there, and I wasn't free to go and find anybody. It was an awful, lonely experience that I wouldn't wish on anybody.

Anyway, I suppose I should get working on studying for my certifications. It's a lean-six-sigma sort of thing through EDX.org. Interestingly, the prof for the course used to work at one of my former employers, and she and I know a lot of people in common. That's pretty cool. I recommend the class highly, and I believe that it would probably be very beneficial to getting the sort of job that you want.

Bye for now. Take care and God Bless!

May 17th, 2018:

Well, my job is proceeding. First 2 weeks I got almost zero direction as to what to do. This week I finally have. I still really don't know what my job is, but that is ok. There are people there who do seem willing to help me figure that out.

My running is slowly getting better. I'm doing a lot better than I have been in a long time. However, I'm not where I want to be. I'm going to continue to use the treadmill and improve on that, and then I'll see how I'm doing outside in a month or two.

I hope all is well.

Take care.

May 5th, 2018

Well, I went to a funeral for an elderly friend. His body basically just wore out. I'm sad he is no longer here, but I am glad that he is no longer suffering.

I started a new job this past Monday. It has the redeeming features of being relatively close to home, as well as being in a different job role in a different industry. It's like I'm having a paid internship. Well paid. I am grateful. It's temporary because I am filling in for a lady who is on maternity leave. But it's a new job experience. This is good.

I hope all is well.

Take care and God Bless.

Apr 26, 2018

On Monday I start a job in Delaware. It has a number of redeeming features to it. It is close to home, and it is something different than anything that I have done before. It'll basically be a well paid internship to get some new work experiences. I am very excited. The profession to which I have devoted my life for the past 26 years sadly, at least for me, no longer has any interest in me. It's time to move on, and I know it. I can walk away with my head held high. I put up the good fight for a long time. I think there were those who didn't appreciate my talents and abilities, but that is their problem, not mine. I won't be sad. All good things must come to an end, and my employment in semiconductors I believe has drawn to a close. It's time for a new chapter in my life.

I hope all is going well with you.

Take care and God Bless you!

Apr 8, 2018 A

Well, today was an adventure. I got to the airport and the credit card readers at the Kiosks weren't working. Then TSA only had 1 person checking people. I got on the plane. There was ice on the wing, so the plane needed de-icing. We had to wait in line. The process of de-icing the plane damaged the plane (windshield wipers), so we had to go back to the gate. That never got fixed, but the wind shield needed cleaning. So a ladder and a squeegee had to be found. Then there was a paperwork delay. Then we sat on the tarmac due to an air traffic control delay. Then we got airborne. On the approach to Laguardia, there was another plane on the runway, sooooo the landing was aborted and we flew around Manhattan. The next go around the runway was clear and we landed. We were well over 2 hours late. It was time for my connecting flight to leave. I figured the situation was hopeless. The ground crew came on the plane, and asked me to come forward. They had a van waiting for me to take me to my connecting flight. It turned out when it was all said and done that I arrived early. The Laguardia ground crew pulled a rabbit out of the hat and made what was turning into a really bad day for me ok. I was very impressed.

The job I'm doing here in Indiana obviously isn't a dream job. But it is cash, so that's ok. I'm hoping that I can use my time here to re-tool and come home and be prepared to do something different. I'm tired of being a gypsy and being away from home. I want my shall we say white picket fence existence. It may not be a fancy life or an exciting life. But it's the life that I want. Taking care of my family and my home. Living like a normal family with my wife.

The game plan is to retool and learn some new job skills.

I also have an entrepreneurship idea. I think I've FINALLY come up with something that is simple and straightforward, which is what small business ideas need to be. I need to find someone who is willing to pursue the dream with me. I think it is potentially huge. I'm not sure I have the resources to do it alone. And I'll just be straightforward. I want someone who is willing to share the experience with me. I suppose I could do it by myself. But I want someone with whom to share the memory. I guess I want something that I can say that I and someone else did together. To put it in child-like terms, it's fun to have a friend with whom to play. It's no where near as much fun just playing by yourself.

When I was younger I would and still do things like running by myself. I had nobody with whom to play catch, so I used to throw a football by myself.

I've tried to talk to my wife about my idea. She can't focus for more than two seconds. I tried asking a cousin to see if she would at least play along. She shot down my idea almost immediately. I guess what I wanted was for someone just to listen to my idea, and see the merit, and at least play along. Even if they do think it's the dumbest idea they've ever heard of, I do wish I could find someone who would at least pretend. It sure would be fun if I could find a friend to share an adventure with.

Thank you for listening.

I hope your life continues to go well.

Take care and God Bless you!

Apr. 8, 2018

Well, I'm off to Indiana in the morning to do what I call vulture work. It's removing equipment from a shut down factory. There's absolutely nothing redeeming about the work. But it is cash. The job lasts for 90 days. Then back to the breadline. But hopefully I'll have something lined up by then. At least it is a place that I have never been to before. That is redeeming.

I hope all is well with you. Take care and God Bless!

Apr. 4th, 2018:

I'm getting lots of unsolicited contacts from hiring managers. It looks like I may have my pick and choose of where I work and what I want to do. Sadly, near my home doesn't seem to be in the cards. But at least I should be working soon.

I hope all is well with you.

Take care and God Bless!

Mar 29th, 2018

I'm starting to get a lot of nibbles now. I have a temp gig in hand, but the opportunities for some permanent gigs are coming through now. Hopefully the permanent gig will come through before I have to start the temp gig. The temp gig is what I call vulture work. You tear apart factories that have been shut down. Nothing really redeeming about it other than getting a pay check, and also, a reference for the future. After you've removed the equipment, the job is over with. Kinda sucky work. But, it's a paycheck.

Anyway, I am very very happy for you. You deserve nothing but the best in life, and I hope you have many, many years of happiness. You're a good lady and you deserve happiness.

Take care and God Bless you!

Mar 27th, 2018

To my dear friend,

I just learned that in all probability that in somewhere in the fairly recent past you've had a happy event occur. For myself I'm a little sad, but for you I am very happy. I hope you have nothing but happiness, good health, and good fortune. I truly wish the best for you. I do wish I could wish you the best in person, but I know how you feel about that, so even if I were there I wouldn't attempt to do so. I hope life has nothing but the best in store for you. Truly, from the bottom of my heart, congratulations.

Take care and God bless you!

Mar 26th, 2018:

I had a few nibbles today for the job hunt. I do think I'll have something soon. At least I have to continue to believe so. I sent out an avalanche of resumes over the weekend. I did get a few phone calls today. but nothing to really write home about. Hope springs eternal!

I'm almost done with an online lean class. An interesting class. I recommend it highly. It's the first of 3 classes that I'll be taking. I'm also taking some online training for data science. I need to get off my butt and get that certification completed. What I've done for a living for the past quarter century generally speaking doesn't hire someone my age. They tend towards recent college grads. It's very annoying in the sense that I can do way more than any recent college grad. But I get treated like I'm all washed up...

However, no regrets, no pondering about what I could be doing. It's time to move on.

As always, I'm ready to apologize to you any time that you are willing to receive it.

Take care and God Bless!

Mar. 21st, 2018

Training difficulties: I feel dumb. I forgot that I needed to have water to drink while exercising in a gym. There's insufficient natural air flow. I was overheating badly. I forgot that drinking water fixes that.

I had a nice phone screen for a job in Utah. It sounds interesting. It's also something that I'm very good at. I'm not counting any chickens though.

I hope all is well.

Take care and God bless!

Mar 16, 2018

I got stiffed on a phone screen this morning. Ugh. I talked to the recruiter and he is trying to figure out what happened.

Finally got called. Had a nice interview. Knock on wood.

Without going into the details as to why, I'll just say that I've really come to appreciate how nice you were to me. It was very nice to have someone with whom I could have nice conversations. Talking to you used to be the highlight of my week. Anyway, thank you for being so kind to me. I hope some day I can reciprocate your kindness. You are a good and decent person, and I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to meet you and at least have you be a small part of my life for a period of time. Again, thank you very very much for being so good and decent and nice and kind to me. I do hope that some day I can have the opportunity to do something for you that will at least return to you some of the goodness that you gave to me.

Take care and God Bless you!

Mar. 12th, 2018

I had an excellent phone screen today. Knock on wood. I hate being out of work. At least this will be near home.

Take care and God Bless!

Mar. 9th, 2018:

I made it home ok. I'm very tired. I did the drive in both directions by myself. No relief driver.

It was very much a bitter sweet trip. It was sad paying my lasts respects to a good friend. But it was also good to see friends I hadn't seen, in some case, decades.

Today my training resumes. I feel like a shadow of myself as compared to 6 years ago when it comes to running. That injury I had with that anti-biotic really hit me hard. I do feel like I'm finally recovering though.

Time to send out more resumes.

Take care.

Mar. 7, 2018:

I went to the job fair. There were 2 companies that had positions that were a good fit for me. Knock on wood. It looks like I should be able to get something closer to home though.

I feel depleted and depressed due to this trip. Going to a friend's funeral, especially when he was relatively young is very depressing. However, the facts staring me in the face is that he died of old age, even though old age for him was 56. Right now I feel hollow inside.

Time to go to bed. Need to rest for a bit, and then start rockin' down the highway to get home.

Take care!

Mar 6, 2018

The funeral has come and gone. Time to go home. A very sad trip. I feel like my friend was just snatched from us. A sad finality. I feel like his path in life was incomplete. But he did make a positive effect on those around him. It was my privilege to have known him and had him as my friend. He was a good, decent human being.

The job hunt continues. Very frustrating at the slow pace...

Feb. 28th, 2018

I'll be driving there starting tomorrow morning. It'll be a 2 day drive. A very sad trip. But my friend was a very good person. I'll gladly speak up and say what a good person he was.

Enjoy your trip! I'm sure you deserve a fun vacation. I hope it is very enjoyable for you.

Take care and God Bless you!

Feb 26, 2018

Just to be above board, even though you will probably be out of town, I had a friend of mine in town pass away, so I'll be in town from Friday until Tuesday or Wednesday of the next week. I have a few things to take care of, like getting my MBA moving again, and since I'm still looking for work, a place to the south called me a few months ago and ask me if I was interested in working there. I'm going to call and see if I can arrange an interview if they are still looking, as much to my regret and consternation, haven't found a job near my home yet, in spite of my best efforts.

As always, I hope all is well with you.

Take care.

Feb 15th, 2018

I had a nice interview today. It's 5 miles from my house. I hope that I get this job. I want to live like a normal human being. I believe that this place would be a good place to work. Knock on wood.

Take care!
Feb. 4th, 2018

To my dear friend,

I'm glad to see you finally logged back in. I fear last summer I accidentally scared you. If I did, I am so sorry, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I just still feel very guilty about how everything happened 7 years ago. I know I had good intentions towards you, and I feel that you had the same towards me. What transpired I don't think I will ever understand.

I feel that by making an attempt to persuade you to allow me to apologize to you last summer that I accidentally scared you. That was the furthest thing from my mind. I was only intending to at least in a small way to make amends to you. If in any way I upset you by trying to give you the apology that I am 100% positive that I owe you and that you deserve, I am truly sorry. No matter how busy I am, sometime every day I think of how stupid I was 7 years ago, how I accidentally scared you, and everything else. I also didn't understand what something bad happening to a woman must mean. I finally got it in court. If you haven't done so already, please find it in your heart to forgive me. And if you ever want me to tell you to your face that I was stupid, that I was wrong, in order to at least in a small way make amends to you, I will gladly do so. I wish to make peace with you. I know I may never get you back as a friend. But I do wish to do what is right. And apologizing to you I believe is part of what I need to do.

I like your new profile pic. I am glad to see that you are doing well and in good health. I will also note that your glasses are in better repair than the last pair I saw you wearing. Right before you stopped talking to me I was trying to figure out a way to offer to purchase you a new pair, because that pair you had were so badly damaged. It reminded me of when I was that age and my clothes were getting into dis-repair due to just wearing out.

Anyway, if and when you decide you are ready for me to apologize to you in person, or perhaps over skype or something like that, I will gladly do so. On the whole you were very good to me and treated me very kindly. I have never forgotten that. The loyalty goes in both directions. I stumbled badly when I tried to say that I really appreciated how kind you were to me. I hope that my words here will at least a little bit make up for not knowing how to say to you that I really appreciated how kind you were to me. I also want to say that I am very thankful and grateful that I had the opportunity to meet you. I don't think I could have asked for a nicer friend. You really impressed me about what a really good and decent person that you are. That is the first thing that I noticed about you. It was only later that I noticed how pretty you are!

Again, bottom line, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY. Please let me know how I can fulfill this obligation to you.

Take care and God Bless You!!!

Nov. 21st, 2017 A

I think I've said all I need to say. I still wish to apologize to my dear friend. But it's her turn to respond. There may be some extenuating circumstances that are keeping her from responding. And all the other things I've said as well. I'll respond via prayer and let God handle it.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 21st, 2017

Well, my wife was cruel to me tonight. She got mad at me and said I didn't live in our own home. I didn't let her see how hurt I felt. For a time I found myself thinking about the nice conversations my dear friend and I used to have. It's my solace for when my wife is cruel to me. I just hope that some day my dear friend will allow me to tell her how much her kindness meant and still means to me.

On a different note, I had a very nice interview. The job isn't fancy, and nor is the job title. But it is home. I also have a small consulting gig. I think that between the 2 of them there will be enough cash to pay my bills, and more importantly, I'll be home.

The local job is at a factory that makes margarine. The pay is ok. Not great. But if I'm careful with my money and get some side gigs I should be able to make ends meet. And just as importantly, live a normal life. I'm tired of being a gypsy.

I still pray for the welfare of my dear friend. It is something active that I can do for her well being. And then leave it to a higher power to help her where I am unable to.

I may call soon. I have some professional questions to ask. It concerns acid waste and abatement sort of things. I may also make a trip down to inspect the building. It concerns a gig I am working on building a small industrial cleanroom. I have some questions that I don't have the answers to that I need answering. I'll let you know.

Take care and God Bless.

Nov. 20th, 2017

Well, I made it back to Virginia in 1 piece. The last leg of the flight was on a puddle jumper so small that my backpack would neither fit in the overhead compartment nor under my seat.

My guess is my gig in MN is over. I'm ok with that. It's too flippin cold there. Just walking outside made my left calf tighten up. I have no desire for more injuries.

I have an interview in Richmond tomorrow afternoon. It's for a weekend blue collar sort of job. It has the 2 redeeming features of being in Richmond as well as being in an industry outside of semiconductors. Those 2 features are a huge plus as far as I'm concerned. Just as importantly, I have no desire for the roof over my head to be due to receiving unemployment. I have no desire to be on the dole. I can make more money doing that over the weekend than I can with unemployment, so that is good as far as I am concerned. I have my consulting gig in PA which I suppose I'll start the week after Thanksgiving. That will be good as well.

On a different note, Sunday was the 7th anniversary of my dear friend deciding that I was a horrible person because I tried to say thank you to her for being kind to me on many occasions, but in particular for inviting me to exercise with her. My attempt to express my gratitude was a cup of tea. I was very cognizant that she was a subordinate, even if not a direct report. Still, I was very touched that she had asked me to exercise with her. It really meant a lot to me, as it had been decades since anyone had done that to me. I suppose to her it didn't mean to much. But to me it felt like a priceless gift. I think a lot of our meltdown revolved around the fact that she was a young, nice, pretty girl who probably had many guys asking her out, and I was a married man in my 40s who nobody asked out who had a wife who was less than warm. To her I was probably just a commodity. To me, she was priceless. I believe that we probably valued each other differently. For a few days I felt like the richest man on the planet.

When she had her negative reaction to me at first I thought it was probably she was just grouchy from having to stay up late working on a school assignment. I didn't think twice about it. I figured a good night's sleep and she would be herself again. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I hadn't done anything wrong. I thought she had done something very nice to and for me. I was deeply touched.

2 days later at the Rt 66 5k as part of the marathon when I thought we were 2 friends who were hanging out and just having a good time together she ditched me without saying goodbye. I didn't know what to think of it. The next day at work she refused to talk to me or to say hello. I thought that perhaps I had committed some faux pas and apologized. She didn't accept my apology.

A week later I tried again, and upped the ante by offering a peace offering by offering to treat her to lunch. Again she refused to accept my apology.

I tried a couple of other times, getting the same response. I finally sent her an email demanding an explanation as to why she wasn't talking to me, and I told her that I thought that she was treating me as if I had done something horrible to her. I added that had I done so that she would be within her rights to file charges against me, and then added that I had done nothing wrong. I then demanded an explanation.

I got a bland that she didn't think that co-workers should be involved with each other. Her body language didn't match her words. That aroused my curiosity. I suppose I should have let it go, but I didn't. Shortly after the new year she unfriended me. I sent her a note saying I was sorry about anything I had done to upset her. She responded by blocking me.

She shall we say hit a pain that I suppose many have buried in their hearts. Mine is that in my 20s my wife rejected me over the phone when my dad was mortally ill. Being rejected in what to me felt like a cold manner was very painful.

About a week or so later I got her something that she had asked me to get for her, a flash drive. I personalized it and had her name engraved on it. I reminded her she had asked me to get it for her. I believe that I had made it clear that I got it as a peace offering. She accepted the gift. She orally thanked me, and wrote me a thank you note as well. She then got worse than before.

That got me attention, as the juxtaposition of the actions didn't jive. I started to suspect that something serious was wrong, and was starting to wonder if perhaps somebody had done something horrible to her. But I didn't know how to ask. I couldn't even get her to say good morning to me.

So I asked her if we could talk. She finally stopped by late in the afternoon the day before the blizzard. I was very distracted by having to prepare the building to be shut down for the blizzard. She stopped by my office, and asked what I wanted. I started off telling her that I really felt bad that she and I weren't talking to each other, and asked what we could do to change that. She snapped at me and walked off. I stewed for a moment, tracked her down, and asked her why she was ostracizing me. Her response was that I wasn't her friend, I wasn't her colleague, but that I was merely someone she worked with. I changed the subject in an attempt to end things peacefully. I still had my sensor on from when I had run my first half marathon 2 day earlier. I showed her the sensor to change the subject to something that I thought was a peaceful and neutral subject. She responded by insulting my running. 3 days later I sent her a note suggesting we meet to try and make peace with each other. She spurned my attempt at peace. That's as far as I intend to go. I may not run well anymore, but about the only worse insult she could have hurled at me is to insult my Mom. I offered her opportunities to at least say something nice. She never did.

I guess switching from asking me to go on vacation with her, complimenting me, encouraging me, an asking to exercise together to overnight deciding I was a horrible person left me bewildered.

When I finally realized what was wrong I've been offering to apologize to her. Her response has been to assume the worst of me and treating me like the worst jerk on the planet. I've been left heart broken when I get rejected when I tried to say thank you for what I perceived was kindness. I am 100% positive what I did was correct. It was interpreted differently.

I suspect that maybe I was played. I also suspect that my dear friend was being honest with me when she said that something bad happened to her, and that she has trouble trusting guys. I don't know which is the truth. Anyway, the heartbreak still hasn't gone away.

I can accept that there is probably some extenuating circumstance that is preventing my dear from accepting my apology. I suspect it has something to do with when she said to me that something bad happened to her. I believe that it destroyed her ability to trust men. No matter how nice the man may be, no matter how harmless, she was, is and probably will continue to be wary of men. That is very saddening for me. She was so nice to me. She spent almost a year trying to get me to like her. And when I did she spurned me. I suspect the "something bad" has everything to do with what happened. It didn't help that idiot here was a klutz.

I will content myself with praying for her well being. It's not what I really want of course. But praying for someone's well being is a good, positive thing to do. Appealing to a higher power to take care of what I cannot is at least taking action that won't upset someone who I am positive is a wonderful person, and at least it's not siting still and doing nothing. I would gladly run to her rescue if she would let me. I will content myself with praying for her well being. It may not be taking action as I would truly like to do, but it least it is doing something that won't disturb her.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 17th, 2017

My consulting gig is over. The main issue is that the equipment is beat up and there isn't enough manpower. I suppose I could have dragged it out more, but I want to go home.

I'm going to Delaware for Thanksgiving. It will be good to spend time with relatives.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Nov. 16th, 2017

I had a really nice experience today. Where I am a consultant I ran into someone who I had made a connection with recently on linked in. I introduced myself, and she remembered me. It was really nice, and she treated me like I was an old friend. It was really a good experience.

This consulting gig thing is odd. Right now I'm not doing any consulting. The last 2 days I was a gofor in the factory. I just smile and realize I'm getting paid either way.

Off to dinner. I'm sure there is something good at Mall of America!

Take care and God Bless!!!

Nov. 15th, 2017

Well, I see I was misled concerning the engineers here where I am a consultant. They may be young, but they are very sharp. I'm very impressed. They are good kids. They are just overwhelmed by bad machinery, not to mention the lack of standardization in the equipment. What I'm doing here is basically a drive-by. That's kind of unproductive. But, it does get me some cash, which is good for me.

I'll be going back home this weekend. That's good. It'll be good to spend some time with my wife. And spending time with family over Thanksgiving will be good.

Hopefully I can find a full time job at home. I've been away far too long. When I left my wife's hair was mostly black. Now it's mostly grey. I don't care that she's gone grey. I care that I wasn't with her as she went grey. To me it represents time being apart. It makes me feel horribly sad...

Hope springs eternal!

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 14th, 2017

Work was interesting. I found out the young engineers are very smart. They inherited a cluster you know what!!! The place has I think I counted 6 vendors for the equipment that I'm an expert in. 1 vendor has no two pieces of equipment that are identical. The equipment was neglected badly during the downturn. This is going to take years to fix. Sigh...

I'll be home for Thanksgiving. This is good. Then I'll be coming back. Then...Who knows???

There are other companies that are interested in me. I don't want this temp to hire nonsense. I want to be a full time employee. At least the economy is improving. It needs to do a lot better though...

Time for bed.

Nov 12th, 2017

I made it to MN in one piece. Cold as hell here. But more importantly, it's work. Apparently the place ran off all their experienced people and replaced them with recent college graduates. So now they are bringing me in to help out the recent college grads. Inside I'm laughing hysterically.

I'm across the street from the Mall of America. I haven't been there yet on this trip. More cheese curds. Love em!

My wife was oddly very warm with me last night. I'm not complaining. Of late that's just been unusual. Sigh...

I'll need to contact the places with whom I have more promising gigs for permanent work. I definitely need that.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov 11th, 2017

I'll be headed for MN on Sunday. It's a short term consulting gig. I get to make money and really don't have much in the way of deliverables. An interesting scam. The company apparently cleaned out all of their experienced engineers and replaced them with RCGs. So now they need the help of an old buzzard. Works for me.

I'm still looking for a permanent job. I want something that is outside of semiconductors. It looks like I have a good chance at getting into this steel factory in MS. Career wise and title wise it'll be a step backwards, but from a pay standpoint it sounds like it'll be a step forwards. It'll also get me experience with PLCs and VFDs to get some new experience that I can combine with my old experiences and get a job as a controls engineer. At least that is my hope. It's much more ubiquitous profession than is a semiconductor process engineer.

Gotta love my wife. She claims I wasn't doing enough around the house. When I took the initiative, as I feared, she lashed out at me. She simultaneously wants and doesn't want help. The illogic is maddening.

It's times like this that I miss my dear friend. At least for a while she was incredibly kind to me. We used to have such nice conversations. She was so uplifting. She made me feel good about myself. I wish it hadn't come to an end. I thought I had found a friend for life. I felt like the luckiest man alive. I wish I had my friend back. I wanted to show my appreciation for how nice she was to me. Why that scared her off I'll never understand...

Off to MN am I. Hopefully it'll be a fun and productive trip!!!

Take care and God Bless!!!

Nov. 8th, 2017

Good news. A consulting gig in MN. It's only short term, but what the hell. I'm guessing it'll be a good experience. They sought me out, and they made it clear that they were desperate for my experience. I'll still have to hunt for work, but that's ok.

Accepting that there must be some sort of extenuating circumstance is a relief. I may never get to give the apology that I believe that I really should do, but I can accept that there must be some sort of extenuating circumstance that is preventing that. I'm ok with that.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 7th, 2017

I had a lot of phone calls today from recruiters. One that I thought I had in my hip pocket isn't responding. Not sure what to make of it...It seems I'll be back to work soon. The question is where and doing what. I hope I can find something close to home. I'm tired of being a gypsy...

I walked today rather than running. I also wore my brace on my left calf. I'll walk one more day and see how I feel. The bad news is the weather is turning cold. Not good for healing muscle injuries.

I have a phone screen in the morning for a job in Baltimore. It's not exactly home, but at least I'll be able to come home every weekend. Having a home life again will be good. I'm tired of living alone. I get horribly depressed when I'm away from home. When I'm at home I'm good about reading my books. The 18 months I was in St. Louis I didn't finish a single book. It's not like me.

Anyway, I only seek peace. I will never understand what happened. But I want to end things on peaceful terms. I don't want to have any animosity towards anyone, and I wish to make amends to anyone who has any animosity towards me. I'm still at a loss over being shunned because I tried to say thank you for someone who was kind to me. And the way things just fell apart. I have this profound sense of loss. I don't know how to make it go away. I've tried to make amends over and over. And I get treated like a pariah...

Sadly, I still feel gratitude for kind treatment. Intellectually I suspect it may have been an act. Emotionally I hope it was just a misunderstanding. I just hope that some how or another it was just some sort of mis-communication or misunderstanding or something like that. I guess I have a hard time believing that someone would turn on the charm so hard and so long only to reject me when I had genuinely grown to like the person because I thought the person genuinely liked me first. I thought we were 2 nice people interacting with each other. I thought that each had learned that the other was a nice person.

I hope that either some day my apology will be accepted, or somehow or another I can forget about her so that this sadness will go away. I wish I had an erase button so I could make the memory of her go away.

If I were a cynic I suppose this would be easy. But I'm not. Sadly so. I suppose all I can do is be the best person I can be, continue to be apologetic and contrite, and hope for the best.

Perhaps there is some extenuating circumstance as to why my apology isn't being accepted. Or at least why the acceptance isn't being communicated. Perhaps that's what's going on. In that case it's incumbent upon me to be understanding. She is a very nice, very sweet person. I can't imagine that she would ever hold a grudge against me. She is a good and decent person. There must be some circumstance that is keeping her from responding. It's my job to be understanding...

Take care and God Bless!!!

Nov 5th, 2017

Well, I had a nice workout. I'm still a bit gimped. But I did ok. I got my braces for my calf, so I will wear that tomorrow, and hopefully with that on I'll actually be able to run.

My day was going ok. Then my wife went nutsy on me over what is basically, at least in my opinion, small fries. As I have learned with women, when they go nutso, ignore them. Nevertheless, it still was hurtful as she is a complete hypocrite on the matter. However, the lesson was learned 7 years ago. No matter how rude a woman is it doesn't pay to retaliate. Better just to let whatever the slight is go. No matter how hurtful it might be.

Assuming I get back to work quickly, I think one of the first things I might do is get a dog. I need a loyal friend. Women suck in that regard. They are as fickle as the wind. When you are kind to them they react negatively. It's almost like they want for you to yell at them and be mean to them. I just don't get that. I want so much to be kind, and to say complimentary things that will make my wife, or at least someone happy.

Tonight my wife flashed me and then walked away. I asked her to come sleep with me, and she said no. She prefers to sleep on the couch. I feel like the person I fell in love with died. She used to enjoy being intimate. These days she will annoy me by flashing me, but then walks away. I have know clue as to what she is thinking, or if she is trying to get me to behave like some cave man. That isn't me. I compliment a girl, or I buy gifts. But I don't force myself. I don't get her behavior.

I'm drilling a dry well when it comes to looking for jobs in Virginia. I really want to be here, even if just to tend to my children (fruit trees). However, it's looking more and more like that is a forlorn exercise. My best bets right now seem to be Pennsylvania and Mississippi. Both have pluses and minuses. But both seem to be good opportunities. One has been stringing me along for 3 months. I'm getting pretty annoyed with them. But they do have the redeeming feature of being near relatives. At least that would be a huge boost to my happiness. The other one is in the middle of nowhere, and I have no relatives there. But it has the redeeming feature of being something completely new and different, as well as extremely lucrative. The experience itself is good pay as far as I'm concerned. And to get a lot of cash to boot, all the better. If I can fill in the hole in my finances due to the time that I've been out of work, and then eliminate all debt, build up a war chest, and then just check out. I wouldn't mind getting a low stress job like Barnes and Noble or Home Depot. Have all of my debts paid, and just worry about current expenses. That would be so nice.

I'll probably watch some Mr. Rodgers' neighborhood. After my wife is mean to me watching Mr. Rodgers puts me into a better mood. I have no desire to be angry, nor do I wish to hold a grudge. That is unproductive. I still feel hurt at the hypocrisy. But I'll cope.

It absolutely kills me that she really has a tin ear when it comes to her being a hypocrite, especially when she lashes out at me. Metaphorically speaking, she launches a full scale nuclear attack when perhaps just a caress would work.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov 4th, 2017 B

Today was a good day. I liked going to the library to buy books. I had a good day with my wife. We really didn't do anything exciting, but it was fun all the same.

I am sorry that I was misinterpreted when I tried to say thank you for being kind to me. My heart was in the right place. I still don't understand why you had the negative reaction. I thought you had been especially kind to me when you asked me to exercise with you. It had been decades since anyone had asked that of me. I haven't had anyone since ask that of me. Thank you for being so kind to ask me to exercise with you. I found it to be especially touching. It was nice to spend some time together doing something that I enjoy with someone who is really nice. For me it was wonderful to have the shared experience together. I am still perplexed as to why trying to express my gratitude by making you some tea was treated so negatively. I had gratitude in my heart. I was trying to explicitly express it. I wasn't nor am I now asking anything in return. I was trying to return the kindness that I thought and still think was given to me. When I tried to do that I was treated as if I had made some sort of crude suggestion. I felt like the friendship that had grown over the course of a year evaporated before my eyes, and I was powerless to stop it. At first I thought you had had to stay up late working on some school project, and were just a little sleep deprived. Then when you refused to talk to me about anything I thought perhaps I had somehow or another stuck my foot in my mouth. I immediately apologized. You refused to accept my apologize. I tried to go further by offering to treat you to lunch as a form of a peace offering. You never did accept my apology. After that we never had another meaningful conversation. I felt heart broken. I still feel that way. I was trying to express my gratitude, and you responded by shunning me when I was trying to express my gratitude to you for you being kind to me. I'm still at a loss. I never will understand.

I truly hope all is well with you.

Take care and God Bless.

Nov 4th, 2017 A

I went to a book sale at a local library today. I went overboard. However, the price was right $1 for softcover, $2 for hard cover books. It'll keep me busy for a while. My quest to create a modern Great Library of Alexandria continues.

I'm very sore today. Not quite sure what I did to my back a few days ago, but sore it is. Tiger Balm is the cure-all.

I'll be watching Bedlam on TV in a bit. I haven't watched that game in person in 15 years. I hope some day to be able to watch in in person again.

Zero hard feelings. Kinda sad. But no hard feelings.

I'm optimistic about returning to work soon. But very frustrating that things are moving slowly.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 4th, 2017

To my other dear friend.

I see you've allowed yourself to get sucked into our mutual friend's craziness as I did. I have a sad lament due to being rejected when I tried to say thank you to her for being very kind to me. That kindness was asking me to exercise with her 7 years ago. I was genuinely touched. I thought I had found a true friend. When I tried to say thank you she treated me as if I had said something indecent and crude to her. I apologized to her over and over, even though I didn't know for what I was apologizing. Things deteriorated until she managed to score a direct hit with an insult. She spent almost a year trying to get me to like her. I was away from my wife and terribly lonely. I thought I had found a true friend. When she had done something that really touched me and I wanted to say thank you I was treated like a horrible person. I don't know if she was just fickle, or if she was playing a game to get me to genuinely like her so that she get derive some enjoyment from seeing my dismay over being rejected. I don't know.

If I were a cynic I would write her off. It would be the prudent course. However, I want to make positive assumptions about people. I want to believe that somehow or another this was some sort of miscommunication, or something like that. I want to believe that this is something that a polite and sincere apology, and perhaps a peace offering will fix. I make no apologies about making positive assumptions about people's motives.

You haven't done anything to me that is unforgivable, nor do I believe I have done anything unforgivable to you. I seek peace. I'm offering peace. I'm offering forgiveness over having a foolish reaction to an insult that I'm positive I didn't deserve from someone who I had grown to care about for honest and legitimate reasons. We were two nice people interacting with each other. I thought I had found one of the nicest persons who I had ever met, and she seemed to genuinely like me. It's easy to come to that conclusion when you get invited with her on vacation, not to mention quite a few unsolicited compliments, not to mention words of encouragement concerning exercising. I thought I had found a nice person who genuinely liked me. I'm still not sure that I wasn't being played, but I want to make positive assumptions about people. I want to believe that she and I were two people who were being honest with each other. I never made any untoward suggestions towards her. She apparently made the worst assumptions about me, and then spread those assumptions as if it were the truth. I felt heartbroken over the loss of a friend. In some ways it's been worse than a death in the family.

I may be on a fruitless exercise. However, I refuse to make negative assumptions. I am hopeful that some day my consistent apologetic attitude will some day bear fruit. It may be unusual to apologize for years. However, I don't believe it to be wrong.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 3, 2017

Hmm. I see my supposition was correct. And I perceive that someone perhaps feels guilty.

I'm still a bit gimped on my running. I walked today, but was still a bit stiff. I'll see how I feel tomorrow.

I had a nice phone screen today. It's with a laser manufacturer. I think the interview went well. Time will tell.

I also had a recruiter call me back about a job where the company was asking for the Earth, the Moon, the Sun, and the stars. The recruiter is aware of that. It sounds like he believes that 2 jobs will be created.

Am saddened by someone else's actions. That's ok though. I'm not the sort to cut someone off. The hand of friendship has never been withdrawn.

It was truly wonderful having dinner with old friends yesterday. It buoyed my spirits. It brought a brief period of happiness to my life. I value my friends and loved ones, and will go far out of my way to help them. It saddens me greatly how some things have transpired. Nevertheless, hope springs eternal.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov. 2nd, 2017

I had dinner tonight with some of my homies from Richmond. It was good to be around old friends. It felt good to be around people who have had my back for over a decade. They are all good people. It's very refreshing, especially after being cut off as a friend for trying to say thank you for what I perceived to be kind treatment.

My running hit a road bump today. I came up lame half way through the run. Such is life...Here's what I had to say about it today:

https://www.facebook.com/bret.stauffer/videos/vb.1221371123/10214383232954273/?type=2&theater&notif_t=video_processed&notif_id=1509680383080512

I haven't heard back from one place that made an oral commitment to hire me as a consultant. Another place I contacted and got a fairly quick response back. The hiring manager will be out for another week. However, the feedback I got is that my resume was liked.

My back is still a little sore. But it's doing ok.

I'm still looking for work, as I don't have a sealed deal yet. Very frustrating.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov 2nd, 2017

I called up the HR guy at the place where I am supposed to have a consulting gig. The response has been a bit slow, so I wanted to prod things along. It sounds like he's had a death in the family. Talk about feeling like I stuck my foot in my mouth. Ugh.

The back is feeling better. Still a little sore. I may try running today. I need to go and get a new lawn mower, assuming there are any to be had at this time of year. My old one bit the dust, and at 17 years old is probably too old to put any money into.

I'm getting lots of nibbles. If the consulting gig doesn't work out, I think I should be able to get something soon.

Take care and God Bless!

Nov 1st, 2017 B

My 2 phone screens this afternoon seem like they are probably duds. One I can do the work, but the pay isn't what I need for it to be. The 2nd one the recruiter didn't seem very organized. SMH. The one this morning sounds promising though.

I need to call the place that had given me a verbal commitment to a consulting gig. I got my last severance check last week, sooooo I need to find some work fast. I probably should apply for unemployment as well. I have been sending out plenty of resumes. One should click soon.

Take care.

Nov. 1st, 2017 A

I had a call from a recruiter for a job in Richmond. It sounds very promising. Knock on wood.

My back is still sore. I'm going to try and exercise and see what happens.

2 more phone screens this afternoon. Knock on wood.

Take care and God Bless!!!

Nov. 1st, 2017

My back is sore as hell. Ugh. Just from working in my garage a little bit. Sigh...

I should have some form of employment soon. I'm getting a lot of activity. I'm ready for my "vacation" to come to an end.

At least I'm getting some reading done. I'm also working on the anti-Federalist Papers. A very interesting book. I recommend it highly. It seems that some issues, like the gov't printing cash to pay bills, is a timeless issue. Oh well.

Take care.

Oct 31st, 2017 C

I've had a busy day. Lots of recruiter phone calls. Knock on wood. Hopefully this portends positive things in the future. And hopefully something close to home.

I suppose I should go to the grocery store and get some munchies for the munchkins. I enjoy the smile on the face of the munchkins when they do the Halloween thing. It makes me wish I could be young again.

I was thinking about the Halloween Costume you had 7 years ago. I only saw it on FB, but it was cute. I liked.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 31st, 2017 B

I got a call from a recruiter for a bank. Not sure if this will lead to anything, but what the hell. I'll give it a try.

My back is sore as hell. Just from doing a little work in my garage. Damn I need a young body!!! This ageing nonsense is FOR THE BIRDS!!!

Take care and God Bless!!!

Oct. 31st, 2017 A

I got a reply from a recruiter concerning a place that makes a food product. I was looking through the info on their website. Something that stuck out to me was a line about retirement. A pension? Nice! Rare to find these days. If I actually get a chance I'll have to give this place some serious consideration. And the fact that the position is outside of semiconductors is all the better. The job isn't in a prime location, but what the hell. I can deal with that.

I hope all is well with you. Take care and God Bless!

Oct.31st, 2017

Happy Halloween! My trick or treat seems to be that I need to buy a new lawn mower. It's sat idle for 8 years. I put fuel into it and it was leaking like a sieve. It seems all the seals deteriorated due to dry rot. 17 years for a lawn mower isn't too bad. I guess I'll be buying a new one.

I'm still waiting on the place that said they were going to hire me for consulting work to get back with me. Making me a little skittish. I'll send out an email before I go to sleep. Sigh...

I'm getting a lot of nibbles from recruiters, but no bites. Kinda frustrating.

Thank you again for all of the kind things that you have done for me. I hope that some day I can both apologize to you and express my gratitude to you. I feel like that you treated me more kindly than anyone else ever has. I still don't understand what happened 7 years ago. I hope that some day you will allow me to apologize to you, say I am very sorry about what happened, and ask you for you forgiveness. And in the same spirit, say to you that I forgive you for how you treated me. I don't understand why you shunned me when I tried to express my gratitude to you for being kind to me, nor do I understand why you insulted me the day before the blizzard. Even though you haven't asked me for forgiveness, I want to say to you that I forgive you for how you treated me. I truly don't understand why in the blink of an eye that you ended our friendship, nor do I understand when I tried to apologize you for what I still don't know you refused to accept my apology. I suspect that there was something else going on, and I suspect that it has something to do with when you said to me that something bad happened to you. And I definitely wish to apologize to you for freezing when you said that something bad happened to you. You must have thought that I didn't care. It was just that it was outside of my range of experiences in life. I hope that is a forgivable fault. I suppose in the days afterwards I should have asked you what something bad happening to you meant. It was just so far outside of my experiences in life I didn't know what it meant, and I didn't know what question to ask.

Needless to say, I still feel very guilty about not knowing what to say that night we exercised together, and not knowing what to say in the weeks and months, and now sadly, years afterwards. I hope that some day you can forgive me for botching that so badly, and not having the common sense to be able to figure out what something bad happening to a woman means. Something bad happening to me is something like a sprained ankle or a flat tire. Something bad happening to a woman was and still is just outside of my range of experiences in life.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about that night that you said that something bad happened to you. The guilt sits in my stomach like a ship's anchor. I hope some day that you will forgive me for not knowing what to say that night, and in the days, weeks, months, and now years later. I hope that some day you will afford me the opportunity to continue that conversation to at least in a small way make amends to you, and to also of course apologize to you.

Anyway, I feel like I failed you horribly, and I hope that if you haven't done so already, I hope that some day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. It wasn't that I had any ill intentions. This was just so far outside of my range of experiences in life that I didn't know what to do. I was learning as I went along. My results reflected that. I would grade my results an F. My intentions were good. But I botched this badly. Please find it in your heart to forgive me, and please let me tell you in person that I am very sorry so that I can say that I am sorry and ask you for your forgiveness. I feel that I need to so some form of atonement. Surely being wiling to face you and tell you that I was wrong and am sorry is at least some form of a bona fide making amends.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 30th, 2017

Nothing exciting this morning. There were a nice wave of rain showers. Made watching the World Series kinda problematic (satellite).

I had a low stress workout. I just walked. It was a re-charge day for me. I should be able to go harder in the morning.

Take care.

Oct. 29th, 2017 A

The past 48 hours weren't too bad. 4 friends checked on my well being. Life isn't too bad.

I am about to go and exercise. My legs feel fairly depleted from what I did on Thursday and Friday. It bites that it takes longer to recuperate after exercising these days. That's ok though.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct 29th, 2017

I received an email from an old friend. He had heard I had been laid off, and passed along a job lead that he had received. It made my day.

I had a co-worker from MO accept my FB friend request. She's a very sweet young engineer. Receiving that put me in a much better mood. I'm still very skittish around young women. But she shall we say restored some of my faith in the decency of people. She's really smart and has a very bright future. I'm just sorry she's working for a sinking ship.

I had another coworker, yet again, a young lady, send me a note asking me about my well being. It felt good to be asked about how I was doing. She's really nice, and a rather brilliant engineer. If I lived in a different reality...

Somewhere in the next week or there abouts I will probably be starting my consulting gig. That will be good. It'll be doing something completely different from what I've done in the past. It's doing quality engineering, which means setting up the quality system. Not really exciting, but in the sense that it is something that is ubiquitous to many organizations in many industries, it's VERY exciting. It'll get me out of semiconductors, which is really exciting for me. I love semiconductors, but it's dying in the US. Sadly. Time to move on.

I'm in a bit better mood concerning my wife. The saying of the path to a man's heart is through his stomach works. My wife is very impulsive, and says hurtful things that my guess is she probably doesn't mean, but she's really bad about spitting out venom. She does have good points. And then there are the impulsive things...

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 28, 2017 A:

I guess I don't grasp my wife's casual cruelty. Even when someone really deserves some venom being spit at them I'm reluctant to do so. I don't want to do anything that would destroy a relationship. I don't get venom being spit apparently just for the hell of it. I prefer to find kind things to say about people. I reserve my venom for truly important things.

When I was run out of Dodge in Tulsa the biggest reason I got run out was that I had the audacity to tell those who asked me to do something foolish that it was extremely foolish and I got colorful when I did so. It seems that those with whom I was colorful weren't used to getting their ego smacked. Anyway, asking me to do something that would put my life and limb in danger was worth being rude over. And I've never regretted it.

But to be unkind just for the hell of it, I don't get that. Especially with one's spouse. That's the sort of thing that can kill a relationship. I just don't get that.

When I try to say something kind I get treated rudely. Both intellectually and emotionally this doesn't add up to me. I guess I have the engineer brainwashing that positive input should equal positive output. I don't understand when you say something kind to someone and you get a negative reaction. I've never figured that out. It's almost like some people want to be put down. When they are negative and you refuse to take the bait they will escalate until you do react. It's a mode of thinking I don't get.

Thank you again for all the times you were so kind to me. I've never forgotten the nice, unsolicited compliments you used to give me, nor have I forgotten the words of encouragement you used to give me when I posted that I had exercised. And as sad as it sounds, and it is sad, I don't believe that over the past 7 years that my wife has given me a single compliment, nor has she offered me any words of encouragement about anything.

Truly, I really appreciate all the kind things that you used to say to me. I hope some day that I can do something to reciprocate the kindness that you showed to me.

Take care and God Bless.

Oct. 28th, 2017

Well, my wife was casually cruel to me tonight. She called my feet ugly. She doesn't seem to get that I don't find this to be endearing. I suppose I could retaliate, but it's unproductive.

When my wife is cruel to me I recall the nice conversations that you and I used to have. It's my solace when my wife is cruel to me.

I don't know if I ever told you how I felt about you, or what I like about you. I always think about how nice and kind you were to me. I long for that kind treatment.

I hope you will indulge me and allow me to compliment you. Thank you for being so kind to me. Thank you for being a good and decent person. I love your pretty eyes and gorgeous smile. And I love that you are just a really good, decent, nice, and kind person. Your goodness and decentness and kindness is what I fell for.

I hope some day you will accept my apology. I want for us to be at peace. And when that day comes, I hope you will allow me to tell you in person, and also allow me to compliment you for being a good and decent person. And maybe mention that I really love your smile! :)

Thank you for listening.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct 27th, 2017 A

I had a fantastic workout. If I am to believe my exercise app my speed was faster than it has been in a long, long time. Now if I can just get my endurance built up to where I can do this continuously. That being said, I'm getting faster, and this is the best progress I've made in a long, long time.

I talked with a recruiter in Richmond. This sounds like a very promising prospect. I would gladly trade cash so that I can be home permanently. If I'm at home I won't need anywhere near as much income as before. If I can keep at that level and only have 1 household to support that would be super fantastic. But not necessary. I really want to be home.

The weather for my run was fantastic. It was chilly this morning, but I waited till it warmed up, and it warmed up nicely. The result was about 70 F and low humidity. Just perfect running weather.

I hope all is well with you.

Take care and God Bless!!!

Oct. 27, 2017

Well, I got stood up on a Skype interview. The job was in Britain, so it's not a real big deal as far as I'm concerned. Besides, I have other things brewing shall we say.

I feel ok after my run yesterday. Not where I want to be, but if I'm to believe my exercise app my speed is increasing. This is a good thing.

I need to get at least the battery in my phone replaced, if not the entire phone. I'm having to carry around an external power supply 24/7 to keep my phone running. I can feel the battery overheating when I try to run it without external power. It's getting to be very annoying, but I'm waiting till I get employed again. However, the battery is deteriorating, so I may not be able to wait much longer.

I do feel much more at peace since getting laid off. My job situation was a lot like the dogs doing rescue work at a disaster site where there are no survivors. The dogs get depressed because they have no successes. In that case, the handlers have to fake a rescue to keep the dogs working. I remember thinking that I wish someone would allow me to at least fake a success. I was really taken aback when I had what I thought were good ideas, especially the one about a 10% boost in output for almost no investment, but I wasn't allowed to implement it.

I'm sure you may have heard the saying about people being unable to see beyond the end of their noses. Some of the people I worked with couldn't see beyond the edge of their eye lashes. I have never seen or worked at such a myopic organization before. I hope I never get that experience again. It was very, very frustrating.

Once the factory manager and the engineering manager quit all support for my projects evaporated. I am so glad to be away from that place. Ugh...

My new place is trying to figure out what to do as far as importing manufacturing capabilities. Needless to say, this will probably be an interesting experience.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct 26, 2017 B:

I'm reading an interesting book called The Rise and Fall of American Growth. The central thesis seems to be that from the end of the Civil War to 1970 was a unique period in American History, and that the old growth rates won't return. The material is pretty good, but it seems to ignore such things as perpetual Federal Budget Deficits, Perpetual Trade Deficits, and outrageously large min wage increases have shall we say had a deleterious effect on the dollar. My guess is it's a brain washing attempt. I'll hold my judgement till I finish the book, but my guess is it ignores the ~$500B annually that we import from China that could surely boost the American standard of living. Sigh.

My run was really nice. It's been 5+ years since I was injured by Cipro. My left foot still swells up. My right tendon gets sore when it never did before. At least I can walk, and truly do about anything I can want to do. But it is annoying that I'm still having some pain from that. And I still haven't gotten my endurance and speed back. It may be just age. But I feel like my youth was stolen from me by that damned anti-biotic. It's sad to me as there was something over the counter I could have taken. Pau D'Arco is very effect, and it can be purchased at Vitamin shops. Oh well.

I'm alternating walking and running. My running portion is under 8 min/mile, and then walking to recover. My hope is that within 6 months I can do the entire run at that pace. And perhaps if I am able to lose some weight it will be even faster. I want to get back on track to complete a marathon in every state. Knock on wood.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 26, 2017 A

I've had a few more recruiters send me emails. I've sent out a lot of resumes, and I seem to be hitting some critical mass. This is amusing.

Off to exercise. Need to keep the improvement going in my running.

Take care and God Bless!!!

Oct. 26, 2017

I've done some research over what the company that it looks like I'll probably working for will be making. I don't know exactly what the design is, but I've got a good idea. It looks like something that is very straight forward. It won't require a lot of R&D. It will more require execution. The process, from the looks of it, makes use of things that I've used in the past. With regards to say cutting edge computer chip processes this is a blast from the past for me. However, for this situation, that sort of knowledge is needed. I'll be starting a facility more or less from scratch. That will be good. I can get things how I want them to be and how I would like for them to be.

The last place that I worked at still makes me shake my head. They were hemorrhaging cash, but the CEO was making in the millions, but there were no spare parts, maintenance was deferred, or perhaps more properly, ignored, and last, but not least, the operators were badly underpaid and didn't really care. They would last 4-6 weeks and vote with their feet. And it didn't help that the manufacturing management behaved like Simon Legris towards the operators. They could get fired for nothing.

The equipment was worn out. I had one piece of equipment that hadn't been properly serviced for 5 years. Then one day it just puked. And of course, we didn't have the spare parts on site. So the piece of equipment was down for weeks waiting on parts. SMH...

The culture there was to run a piece of equipment until it breaks. Then to go into crisis mode to get it back up and running. There wasn't a real belief in preventative maintenance, but a lot of resources devoted to reactive maintenance.

The manufacturing processes were geared towards jamming as much product through the production line, with little regard to quality. It really shocked me that quantity came before quality. Many of problems the place has is due to the ethos of quantity before quality.

It's a place I am glad is behind me. I haven't been gone that long, but it just seems like a bad memory from long ago. I feel much more at peace. I had almost no control there. I was in purely in reactive mode, and when I tried to take measures to get at least my portion of the manufacturing process out of reactive mode and into proactive mode I got yelled at. I was really taken aback by that. When I tried to get tool time and raw materials to improve the process I was all but ignored. I came up with an improvement that would have gotten a 10% boost in output for about 5-10 minutes of human labor for a manufacturing step that was 12+ hours. From my standpoint it was all but free money. I wasn't allowed to implement it.

My feelings are good riddance. I'm all but sure the place will shut down in December. I'm ahead of the curve and won't get my Christmas ruined.

I'm not sure exactly what my title will be, but for the short term I'll be a consultant. I hope it turns into a full-time gig. I'm in sore need of a permanent home. Hopefully this is the one.

Take care and God Bless.

Oct. 25th, 2017 A:

It looks like I may have a consulting gig. It's with a small company, but there appear to be growth opportunities. The pay looks to be good. I may have to do some financial acrobatics for a month, but once the cash starts rolling in things should be good, at least from the looks of things. Knock on wood. I don't have it for sure yet, but things are looking up. It won't be at home, but it will be close enough I can come home every weekend, and I should also be able to stay with relatives, so this should be good. Assuming everything works out it should be a very good situation for me. I won't be home, but neither will I be alone. It'll be the best situation I've had in a decade.

Again, I hope all is well with you. My life won't be completely normal, but it will be the best I've had in a long time.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct 25th, 2017

Well, I continue to get nibbles. But no bites. Very frustrating. My wife was laid off in Aug., and now has a new job. I wish I could roll the clock back about 30-40 years and go down a different path. I also wish I could get our Federal Gov't to undo that 2000 WTO agreement. That has killed so many jobs in the US. Absolute fool's gold.

I may end up having to take a lesser job until the one that I want becomes available. Or perhaps take a lesser job in a different industry in order to get some new job skills. Will have to mull this over.

I hope life is going well. Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 24, 2017

I had a phone screen today that really irritated me. It was a job that I could easily do. It's a bit of a commute from my home, but it is doable. After dangling the job in front of me, the recruiter yanked it away, claiming that he didn't think I would stick with it.

HELLO!!!! I'VE HAD TO GO TO TAIWAN FOR WORK!!! i'VE HAD TO BE HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM MY HOME FOR WORK, AND ALMOST NEVER GET TO COME HOME!!! WHY WOULD A 100 MILE EACH DIRECTION COMMUTE BE AN INCONVENIENCE IN COMPARISON???

Grouched me severely.

On a different note, my running seems to be improving. I' nowhere near where I want to be, but I am doing and getting better. That is a plus.

I'll call the guy back and point out my gauge for inconvenient. Perhaps he'll change his tune. At least I hope so.

Take care and God Bless.

Oct. 19, 2017

My job hunting is going decently. I'm getting a lot of activity. Sadly, it's not in Virginia. It seems that I'm still sentenced to be a nomad. This is absolutely the last thing that I want. However, I can't seem to get work in VA. At least there seems to be work that will pay very well so that I can pay off enough bills so that I can accept a lower paying job in Richmond. It's not an immediate route out, but there does seem to be a path home...eventually. :(

There's a song by Pink that makes me sad. But I like it. Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buMUMcvYPH4

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 16, 2017

More nibbles. No bites yet. Very frustrating. At least there is some activity.

I am home. This is good. I've been away from home far too many years. Hopefully I can get a job near my home and my wife and I can resume living like a normal family. Hopefully our nightmare is over with.

More resumes to send out.

Take care and God Bless!

Oct. 12, 2017

A very sad past 2 weeks. On Oct. 1st my Aunt in Delaware passed away. I got back up to DE in time to talk to her before she died. I also spoke at her memorial. A very sad experience. I am thankful I was there, as I had a young cousin who needed someone to comfort him. Much like when you said something bad happened to you, I didn't have an instant response when I saw he needed comforting. Fortunately I had a moment to collect my thoughts, and I did offer him words of comfort. It may not have been perfect, but it was a lot better response than I had in Nov. 2010 when you said something bad happened to you. In the morning we are going to the internment. I think I can hold it together for the sake of my uncle.

I managed to re-injure my right calf while running. At least this time I went out and bought some compression hose and a brace to wrap around my calf while I exercise. It does seem to be working. Time will tell.

I'm getting a lot of nibbles on my job search. I think I'll be back to work fairly quickly.

It seems I upset you by offering to apologize to you. I do think my sentiments were correct. I was and am seeking to make amends to you. For that I have nothing to apologize. However, by making the offer some how or another that seems to have upset you. Upsetting you is absolutely, positively the last thing that I had in mind. I don't know how to put you at ease, or convince you that my desires and motivations are 100% pacific. I wish to apologize to you so that we may part ways in peace. I have nothing to apologize for seeking peace with you or anyone. I will, however, apologize for anything that my lack of skill in wishing to execute a noble end has done to upset you. I may not be skilled in apologizing, but I will keep doing so until I have apologized to your satisfaction. I only wish for peace between us. No more.

It is obvious to me that I have somehow failed or fallen short of your requirements. I promise to strive to do better.

Take care and God Bless.

Sept 26, 2017

I had a nice interview, but I don't have the correct background for the job that I interviewed for. But if offered it I'll probably take it. There are jobs much closer to home, and I am looking into those. Hopefully I can get one of those jobs soon.

On the bright side, at least my roses are blooming nicely. And my poor pathetic looking peach tree looks ok. It was damaged by a buck a decade ago. The trunk died, but the roots were still alive, and a new trunk came up in its place. The result is a badly mis-shapen tree that looks more like a bush. But it's alive, and it makes peaches.

I hope all is going well for you.

Take care and God Bless!

Sept 24, 2017

I made it to Virginia safely. I still need to unload my car, but that's ok. I have a job interview tomorrow. I contacted an old friend and he got me an interview where he works immediately. I'm looking forward to the interview, but the commute will be a pain if I get the job. It's 109 miles each way to the job. I've done this commute before. But not optimal. But, if it keeps me at home, I'm in.

Take care and God Bless!

Sept 19, 2017

To my dear friend,

Well, I'm off to Virginia. I was laid off yesterday. It's a blessing, as I really need to get back home. I wasn't at home when my wife's brother died. Talk about something that will make you feel guilty. Anyway, I'll be leaving on Thursday..

I just want to reiterate my severe regret for everything that happened several years ago. I hope some day you will forgive me for what happened several years ago.

Take care,

Sept. 14, 2017

Well, today was a happy day for me. I managed to get in contact with an old friend who I've known since the 5th grade. Much to my pleasant surprise she replied to me almost instantly. As with most girls I really like, she's a brunette. A beautiful lady, about 5 ft. tall. It really made my day that she responded when I sent her a note. She's someone who now that I'm much older I wish I had gathered the courage to ask out when I was younger. She is really, really sweet, and just is so beautiful. One of my regrets in life.

However, just having her respond restored my faith, at least a little bit, in humanity. It was nice that someone who I haven't talked to in decades responded almost immediately when I sent her a note. It left me feeling good to know that I had an old friend out there who would respond when I said hi.

My work is still crazy. We were told on Wed. that we were getting inferior raw materials where I am working, and that if we use this our finished product will be unsaleable. I'm absolutely shaking my head. It's another sign the end is near. Sigh.

Take care and God Bless!

Sept 13, 2017

Today I had what seems to be a serious nibble for a job in VA. One never knows for sure, but I was contacted first. Knock on wood.

Today I was very sad. I'm not sure why. I had an interesting way of dealing with it. I went out to dinner. I was served by a very pretty young lady. After talking with her for a few minutes, just doing the normal ordering a meal conversation my mood lightened. I guess I just needed to have a girl smile at me. I know that sounds sad, but it is the truth. I went out to dinner to basically pay a girl to smile at me and to talk to me. And the food was good. I had a prime rib. But yes, I went out to eat to pay someone to talk to me. I hope that doesn't sound too pathetic.

I also had a company in Richmond talk to me earlier this week. It seems very promising. I would love to have a ob in Richmond so I can live in my own house again and sleep in my own bed again and live like a normal human being again.

Anyway, I hope all is going well with you.

Take care and God Bless.

Sept 10, 2017

Well, I sent out a lot of resumes today. The 2 managers who quit haven't been replaced yet. People have people have moved into their slots, but no backfilling of those positions has occurred yet. It seems pretty obvious to me that the end can't be too far off. I may be wrong, but when people aren't being replaced...My guess is the operations is being wound down. The technology may get transferred overseas. I'm not sure.

I may go to the OSU job fair in a week in Stillwater. I haven't decided for sure. What may keep me away is that most of those jobs are probably in Oklahoma, and I really want to go back East. It's where my house is, it's where my wife is at. Still, I do need to look for work. I have a few days to mull it over.

If you go to that and you see me don't deliberately bump into me and walk away like you did in 2012. Just stop and say hi. I might break into tears. But if it happens it'll be a kind and friendly exchange, at least from my end. And it will include a lot of contrition. And remorse. And regret. You get the idea.

In 2012 I can't tell you how much I wanted to go and apologize to you then and there. But I honored your wishes and didn't.

When I saw you walk away I knew it was you immediately. It's kind of funny how I knew. From years of working in cleanrooms you learn to recognize people by their body shape and the gait of their walk. When I saw you walking away from me after you deliberately bumped into me I recognized your gait. It's very distinctive. Most people have a kind of choppy gait. Yours is very smooth. I also recognized your hair and body shape. Then I saw you turn and talk to the recruiter and saw your face. It absolutely killed me to not go and beg you for your forgiveness then and there. But I didn't. I honored your wishes.

Anyway, I'm hopeful that I can find something new and permanent soon. If I were willing to accept contract work I could probably get something today. I might even be able to make more than I am today. But I'm looking for a permanent position. Sigh.

Take care and God Bless!

Sept 06, 2017

I had a fun Labor Day. I went to TX to visit with my Mom. My wife and I got to spend time together. You don't appreciate such things until it is a rare commodity. I went to see AT&T stadium in Arlington, TX. That was fun!

I absolutely loved the eclipse. It was everything I had hoped it would be. It was so damned short though. Only 2 1/2 minutes. But I loved it. I sadly watched it alone, but at least I got to see it. I would have loved to have had a friend or loved one to share the experience with though.

I learned that in 6 years there is going to be an annular eclipse in the US, and in 7 years another total eclipse. I am soooooo excited. I waited so long to see the one last month. I am looking forward to seeing more!

Take care and God Bless!

Aug 20, 2017

Curses! It looks like it's going to be raining tomorrow. I'll have to travel to be able to see the eclipse. I haven't figured out where that is yet though.

I am excited about it. I am kinda sad that I'll be watching it by myself. But such is life. I'll be happy that I'll be seeing a celestial event. But I will be sad that I won't be sharing the experience with anyone.

I hope you are doing well. I hope that God's blessings are bestowed upon you. I hope you are happy, healthy, in good spirits, prosperous, and with good fortune.

Take care and God Bless.

Aug 11, 2017

Hi. Well, my charm seems to have struck out again. I had made a friendship with someone on FB. It was purely platonic. We had had a few conversations. I had always been kind, polite, etc. Today she unfriended me. No explanation. My guess is that when a girl is young and pretty and guys are kissing her feet to win her attention that guys are a commodity. I feel sad. When her Dad died I offered her words of kindness. I never asked for anything in return. At least I had never met face to face and hadn't started a face-to-face friendship. I still feel sad though. I thought we had made a friendship at some level.

There was another girl. One of Marzi's friends. She had been in Iran. We struck up a friendship on FB. She actually sent me a gift for having been kind to her. One day she ended everything without so much as an explanation. I didn't think that I had done anything offensive, but I sent a note of apology anyway. I never heard anything back. I came away feeling very empty. I had offered her friendship, advice, words of encouragement, etc., but then she ended our friendship without any warning or explanation. We had been conversing with each other on FB for like 4 or 5 years. After she came to the US, a year later, I was dumped as a friend. I never said anything rude or unkind to her. It hurts when you spend years cultivating a friendship and then to have the other person end it without either explaining or saying good bye.

One of the most painful things that ever happened to me is in the 80s when my wife told me to get lost over the phone. We had been together for 5 years at that point. And she did it when my Dad was deathly ill in the hospital. I would have thought that I deserved being told in person. That didn't happen. It left a deep scar inside. I eventually forgave my wife, and we did get married, etc. But in some ways that never did really heal. I kinda freak when a woman does that to me. It reminds me of what my wife did to me over 30 years ago.

A lot my reaction for when our friendship melted down was a reaction to how my wife treated me 30 years ago. I hope you can understand and find it in your heart to forgive me. To be rejected when your father is deathly ill was like being kicked when you're down. I had been a loyal boyfriend, and felt like I was being abandoned when I needed love and support. I remember I burst into tears. When I started crying my dog ran to my side and started licking away my tears. I think if I hadn't had my dog to hug I would have completely fell apart.

Anyway, I hope this explains a lot of my actions. When you quit talking to me it felt like I was reliving my wife dumping me. It's a pain that's never quite gone away, even after over 20 years of marriage. Please forgive me for being stupid when you quit talking to me. I suppose everyone has pain buried in their heart. This is one of mine. Even if you don't forgive me, I hope you at least understand my actions better.

Take care and God Bless.

Aug 6, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

I'm more and more certain it's time to bail out of my current job. With two layers of management quitting it's like having to re-interview for your job. This place never has been fun, although I do like the people I am working with. However, it's just no fun. There's nothing really holding me here, so as soon as I can find another job I'm gone.

2 more weeks till the eclipse. If you are coming here to see it please let me know. I would love to have the opportunity to apologize to you. And I would love to share the experience of seeing the eclipse with someone who I like. Several years ago when I mentioned the eclipse my wife's response was that if she wanted to see an eclipse she could read about it in a book. A few weeks ago she said the same thing again. I didn't even ask her to come and watch it with me. I didn't want to be rejected.

In 2004 I asked my wife to celebrate my birthday with me by doing a 5k with me, and then to go explore where the 5k was at, Sharpsburg, MD, the site of an important Civil War battle. She did the 5k with me, but then got antsy and wanted to go and get some food. This we did. The food was next to an outlet mall, so she wanted to shop. The rest of the day got consumed with me spending my birthday sitting on a bench at the outlet mall while she shopped. Basically my birthday got ruined. I didn't get to explore the Antietam Battle field as I had really wanted to. I later went back by myself, but it felt empty not having anyone to share the experience with.

Anyway, after my wife repeatedly saying that she had no interest in seeing the solar eclipse I didn't even ask her to join me. I was positive that she would get antsy around the time of the eclipse, or find some excuse to start an argument, and make me miss the eclipse, or something like that. It really saddens me that she won't just be polite and share the experience with me because I'm her husband and it's something that interests me. But that's how she is.

If you are coming here I would love to have the opportunity to share the experience with you. I know you like things like this. And I would love to share the experience with one of the nicest persons who I've ever met. I know you probably will ignore me, or will find something sinister in what I'm saying, but I thought I would ask. I would love to share the experience with you, as well as to have the opportunity to apologize to you. I don't understand exactly what happened almost 7 years ago, but I am more than willing to apologize to you.

I hope life is treating you well. Life isn't always fair, but what is important is finding a way to transform something bad into something good. Sometimes it takes a long time to do so, but it can be done.

Take care and God Bless!

July 31, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

Over the weekend I bought a welder's mask. Gotta protect my eyes from the UV when the eclipse comes in 21 days. I'm so stoked about that. I've waited so long for this.

If you come up this way call me. I want to apologize to you so badly. I also want to share the experience of seeing the eclipse with a friend, or perhaps as you put it, someone you merely used to work with. I really want to share this experience with someone I care about. I want it to be special. And if I get the opportunity to share the experience with you it'll be as good as it gets, at least in my opinion.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you. I've never had anything but the highest opinion of you. I still don't understand what happened several years ago, but I am more than willing to give you an apology that is to your satisfaction. I want to make amends to you. I want to make peace with you.

Take care and God Bless!

July 26, 2017

To my dear friend,

On a different note, I took off Aug 21, 2017 to see the eclipse. I'm really looking forward to that. I've known about it most of my life. It's something I've looked forward to for a long time.

If you come up this way call me. I'll gladly meet you at any mutually agreeable place, which basically means any place that is acceptable to you. I sincerely wish to apologize to you. I feel I have a debt to you that I need to fulfill. I don't know exactly how to convince you that I have only pacific motives, but I'll keep trying.

No matter what you decide, no hard feelings. I only have gratitude in my heart for having a nice friend like you. That will never change.

Take care and God Bless.

July 23, 2017

Hi. Well, I need to give myself an honest self-assessment of how well I responded when I was told my brother-in-law died. I really didn't do much better than when you said something bad happened to you. By deeds, I did do better though. Within 24 hours I had a rental car and was driving to CA. I hope that if you haven't done so already that some day you will forgive me for not knowing what to say when you said that something bad had happened to you. Even though it's been almost 7 years now I still feel very guilty about freezing when you said that, and not having enough common sense to ask what was wrong.

Not that I've ever stopped looking, but I will be looking for a job more vigorously. When I call my wife it's obvious that she's been crying. She won't admit it though.

On a different note, where I work, both the factory manager and the engineering manager quit. Not sure what to make of it, but it seems time to go and find a new employer...

Take care and God Bless!

July 20, 2017

I'm back from California. One of the saddest trips I've ever had to make. My brother in law was so nice, and was so young. The world lost a good man. And I lost a good friend. Needless to say I feel sad and heart broken. He died of natural causes. I'm at a loss for words.

I hope all is well with you. Take care.

July 6, 2017

Well, I'll probably be passing through Tulsa this weekend for a horrible reason. My brother-in-law, who lives in the LA area died today. I'll be driving out to go to his funeral. He was only 44. The short story is he died of kidney failure. He was a nice, really sweet man. I'm going to miss him terribly.

I hope all is well with you. Take care and God Bless.

July 4, 2017

I celebrated the 4th my way. I went out and exercised. It was too flippin hot to run the whole way. I mostly walked. But I had fun.

Hopefully I can get a new job soon. The signs of the end are showing. The best is the factory manager only showing up at 8 am on a good day, and leaving at 5 pm sharp. Yesterday, even though he isn't from the US, he acted like he was. He barely showed up. Huge sign.

I'll probably come down in Aug for a weekend. I'll post here. I want to put this behind me.

Take care

June 30, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

I am thinking about coming down in Aug. I'll post here when. I sincerely wish to apologize to you. I positive I owe you an apology, and I'm positive you deserve an apology.

My work is still crazy as hell. It still feels like a sinking ship. All we really need is some investment in some reliable equipment. We've got a good technology. We just need some good equipment to make the product...

As you may be aware on Aug 21st the solar eclipse will be hitting St. Louis. I'm planning on taking the day off. It should be exciting.

Anyway, I'll post here what my travel plans are. I am very hopeful that you will meet me at the Farmer's Market when I go and visit. I want to carry out the duty that I have to you so that we can part ways on peaceful terms. At least that is my hope.

Take care and God Bless.

June 5, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

I had a shall we say not so fun day today. I got off work, rolled down the window to let the heat out and the window mechanism broke. I got home, my wife called me, and our central air seems to have bitten the dust. Under the circumstances I won't be coming down, much to my consternation.

However, I do still wish to apologize to you. I will arrange a different time. I really wanted to come and apologize to you, as I am positive I owe you an apology. I suppose this will wait for another day.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday on Saturday.

Take care and God Bless.

June 4, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

Please accept my invitation to meet at the Farmer's Market on Sat., June 10th, 2017. I sincerely wish to apologize to you and to make amends to you, at least in a small way. I don't believe that apologizing to you will in and of itself completely make amends. But I do believe that it is a start. I don't want to be on bad terms with anyone on this Earth, and I especially don't want to be on bad terms with you. As you may recall in the past you were really sweet and nice and kind to me. I've never forgotten that, and I am still extremely grateful for the kind treatment, the nice compliments, the encouragement when it comes to exercising, and so on. How we got to where we are today I'll never fully understand, but I sincerely wish to say to you to your face that I was very stupid and very wrong. I believe I have a debt to repay to you, and this is a start. And if all I get is you at least listening to me apologize to you I'll be very happy. I sincerely desire to make amends to you. And if all I get is the opportunity to say I'm sorry, that I was wrong, and to ask you for your forgiveness, and get nothing else, I can walk away very happy.

Anyway, I hope you will accept my proposal.

Take care and God Bless!

May 1, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

I hope you will consider meeting me at the Farmer's Market on June 10th. I know it's probably scary for you, but it's scary for me too. It was very painful for me to have someone who I thought liked me and who I had grown to genuinely like and care for because of what I thought and still think were the right reasons, we were two nice people interacting with each other, and to have that nice person all of a sudden shun me and treat me like the worst person on the planet because I tried to say thank you for being nice to me and kind to me by making you that cup of tea was and is very perplexing to me, as well as being very painful. I suppose I may have committed some faux pas, but I don't believe at that point that I had done anything wrong.

Anyway, the point is I know for me this is a whole lot scary. I'm guessing that it is for you too. Nevertheless, I genuinely wish to apologize to you and to at least start on the path of making amends to you. I don't believe that apologizing to you in and of it self will make amends to you, but I believe that it is a good starting point.

I hope you will show up. You can contact me earlier if you wish to.

Take care.

Apr 23, 2017

To My Dear Friend: Again, I have noticed you blocking and unblocking me. I'm not sure what to make of it. While I do want to send you a note, I'm also very mindful of the last message you sent me. Under those circumstances I would be very foolish to contact you first. This is a non-negotiable. I need for you to contact me first. I guess there must be some reason that you wanted to get my attention. However, I'm not a mind reader. I need some direct conversation. Email works, as does here, as does FB, as does Skype, as does Whatsapp.

After saying that, I'll be down in Tulsa the weekend of our birthdays. I'll go to the Farmer's Market. If you want to converse with me, that would be a good opportunity.

Take care and God Bless.

Apr. 20, 2017

To my Dear Friend:

I haven't seen a note from you. I'm not quite sure what to make of it after you blocked and unblocked me. I'll just go to the Farmer's Market on June 10th. If you want to you can meet me there and we can discuss what we need to discuss. And what I am desiring to discuss is to offer you an apology without any expectations of any reciprocation. You will recall 6 years ago you said, "You're not my friend, you're not my colleague, you're merely someone I work with." 3 years ago you reiterated your desire to not have any sort of friendship with me. I had hoped that when you said that 6 years ago you said it in the heat of the moment, but didn't really mean it. Nevertheless, I did hear you the first time. If you've changed your mind on the subject I would consider that to be a very happy occurrence. Nevertheless, I am going into this expecting nothing.

If you want to talk sooner, just contact me. I know you already know how to do so.

Take care and God Bless!

Apr 19, 2017

To my Dear Friend. I have noticed you blocking/unblocking me on FB. I do sincerely wish to send you a note, but I haven't. You may recall the promises you made to me 3 years ago. I very much respect those promises.

As I'm sure you know, my birthday is in June 2 days after yours. I'll probably come down on the evening of June 9th. On the 10th I'll go to the farmer's market on 15th street. I'll be there for. If you want to talk with me you can come and meet me there.

Take care and God Bless!

Apr 18, 2017

To my Dear Friend,

I hope you had a nice Easter. I went and visited my Mom. Anyway, I had a recruiter contact me recently with a job that I believe is a good fit for you. If you want to know more, please contact me. I'm more than happy to share the information. Just contact me.

I respectfully await your replay.

Take care and God Bless.

Apr 6, 2017:

To my Dear Friend,

I have noticed you blocking and unblocking me on FB. I don't know quite what to make of it, but you have my attention. I'm not sure if you are trying to signal me or not, but you do have my attention. I sincerely desire to apologize to you and at least in a small way make amends to you. If we can part ways on peaceful terms I'll be very pleased. I don't know if you are receptive to me apologizing to you, but I sincerely wish to do so. Taken as a whole, you were nothing but sweet and kind to me. How we ended up where we are today I'll never understand, but nevertheless I sincerely wish to say to you that I am sorry that I upset you and to ask you for your forgiveness for the purpose of parting ways on peaceful terms. I am seeking no more than that.

You know how to contact me. A phone call works. Email does too. I may break down in tears of happiness if you do call. But you will get the apology you deserve and that I owe to you. I am very cognizant that I have a debt to you that needs to be fulfilled. And I sincerely desire to apologize to one of the nicest persons who I have ever met for when it comes down to it for being prideful and stupid.

I respectfully await your reply.

Take care and God Bless

I'm a gypsy who would rather be a homebody. My work has taken me quite literally from sea to shining sea and beyond. Currently I'm smack in the middle of the country. I make rust for food (If you want to know what that means, ask! :)) I get to play mad scientist daily!!! I shall we say have plentiful strategic reserves, yet I run. I'm just full of contradictions.

I pursue peace. Peace is my ambition. All you have to do is make me an offer. I will gladly do what it takes to secure peace! :)

Aug. 21st, 2017: There is a total eclipse of the sun that will be passing through St. Louis. I plan on witnessing this event. If you wish to join me, ask!

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

HOW I PARTICIPATE IN COUCHSURFING

I've been to a few meetings. One in MN, one in CA, one in OK, and a couple in TX.

COUCHSURFING EXPERIENCE

I've been to a few meetings.

Interests

Running.Hiking.Museums.Concerts.Sports.http://www.marathonrookie.com/half-marathon-training.htmlhttp://www.mayoclinic.com/health/5k-run/SM00061http://www.runningplanet.com/training/5K-training-program-advanced.htmlhttp://www.runningplanet.com/training/5K-training-program-intermediate.htmlhttp://www.runningplanet.com/training/5K-training-program-beginning.htmlhttp://www.halhigdon.com/15Ktraining/15Knovsch.htmhttp://www.halhigdon.com/15Ktraining/15Kintsch.htmhttp://www.halhigdon.com/15Ktraining/15Kadsch.htm

• concerts
• dining
• marathon
• running
• tv
• hiking
• hunting
• sports

Music, Movies, and Books

My most recent book purchases (I buy faster than I read) (Oct 8, 2016)

Meditations: Marcus Aurelius
Civil War: Lucan (The Roman Civil War 2000 years ago)
Caesar's Chronicles
The Competitive Advantage of Nations, Michael Porter
History of the Ancient World, Susan Wise Bauer
Sold Out, Michelle Malkin,
History of the Medieval World, Susan Wise Bauer,
The Anti-Federalist Papers
Data Analysis and Business Modeling

I have a book fetish!!! The more the better. Am currently working on some classic philosophers (Seneca, as an example). Like him. Here's a quote:"What is my object in making a friend? To have someone to be able to die for, someone I may follow into exile, someone for whose life I may put myself up as security and pay the price as well. ... There can be no doubt that the desires lovers have for each other is not so different from friendship-you might say friendship gone mad. ......Actual love in itself, heedless of all other considerations, inflames people's hearts with a passion for the beautiful object, not without hope, too, that the affection will be mutual." SenecaUnbreak my Heart, by Toni Braxton. A powerful, sad song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Rch6WvPJE&ob=av3eThe summer of 42. Kind of sad... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYu6HtUxRJsYou are so Beautiful, by Joe Cocker. Just love that song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spsVigJCvNUA Hard Habit to Break, by Chicago. ¡Mui Bien! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6btckmnndY&feature=relatedWalks Like a Lady, by Journey. Way cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9LOfSA5EQwHelter Skelter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWuXmfgXVxY&feature=player_embeddedLara's Theme, from Dr. Zhivago. So beautiful. I love it!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYDSi3YHcOA&feature=relatedWendy, by the Beach Boys. Seems to go well with a recent experience. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCEUOfiZsnAWhen a Man Loves a Woman, by Percy Sledge. It most certainly is the truth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8raabzZNqwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgPwCN0NAAE&feature=related Can't get any better than John Lennon.Ricky Martin. Living La Vida Loca. Applies to a recent experience that I've had. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p47fEXGabaYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3bowe-W7ZM This song by Queen is cool.Let it be, by the Beatles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHgZCrAoqKkYesterday, by The Beatles. I'm sure just about everyone has had an experience like that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGQgd2PT4mw&feature=relatedA good one from the Eagles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPnoBlack Magic Woman, by Carlos Santana http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaKnRUfh_5ITrisha Yearwood. Gotta love her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jckKmsCsmioPhil Collins. Against all odds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuvtoyVi7vY&feature=fvwrelPhil Collins. Easy lover. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mu8m8_-tRoThis is Eva Cassidy's rendition of Fields of Gold. I think she blew away Sting's rendition. Enjoy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BtJbOPjPfQ&feature=fvstA sad song by Richard Marx. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0SUG6Fv15Y&feature=relatedEva Cassidy. She died far too young. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zsq42yKuHA&feature=relatedEva Cassidy doing Time after Time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMznNlfLXP4&feature=relatedMartha Reeves and the Vandellas. Nowhere to run. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQRIOKvR2WMGotta love Ray Charles: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_rzE8tJQHgThe Police, "Every Breath you Take". Gotta love Sting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzsMarty Robbins: "El Paso" Kinda cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgI5DMVegIkBob Seger. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk-W_i7Z59IGot this from a friend of mine. I wish I understood the words, but the pictures seem to do a good job of conveying the meaning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZDJCexCSws&feature=sharehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYT8YHL-R0 A great line from The Wrath of KhanGotta love the Borg: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUHVuCNmXY

The end of Star Trek TNG: Q, as always. Gotta love what he says to Picard. The trial never ends!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6kpC_FwcR4

Darth Vader vs. Obi Won. The destruction of a friendship. Sad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSwy412nttI

Gold dust woman by Fleetwood Mac.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l35pI8QQPtA

Silver Springs, by Fleetwood Mac. Kind of cool to see the tension between Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud2XKt2N8fs

The Road Warrior Trailer. Loved that movie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gdv5EtZQ6jg

The Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyenRCJ_4Ww

More Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSCe40HMv1c

And more Borg. Resistance is Futile!!! Gotta love the Borg!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUHVuCNmXY

Journey: Escape: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUzH-ZKXmxo

The Enemy Below: WW2 sub chase movie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOGu9EP7ZUI

The Wizard of OZ. I swear the Wicked Witch of the West is EVIL!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Leb83bRkXDg

From the Wrath of Khan. Kirk to Spock: "I have been, and always shall be, your friend." Love that movie!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPBGZRRrEKM&feature=related

Bleed to love her, by Fleetwood Mac. A beautiful song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5BZzkWXcwc&feature=bf_next&list=PL927103DDE8C8BE04

This is the theme song to Vikings. I love the main character, Ragnar Lothbrook. He's an absolute scoundral, but damn if he isn't lovable and charming. Good show on The History Channel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ4sDn89P04

Capt. Kirk shouting, "KHANNNN!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwKryuazNMk

Journey Walks like a Lady. Live in Maryland.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl9XcUVPIuQ

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

Watching the Total Eclipse on Aug 21st, 2017. Scratch one off the bucket list!!!

Getting to live and work overseas! Hsinchu, Taiwan was a blast!!!

Being able to help my Mom through the travail of having her leg amputated. :(

Chasing a bear in Yosemite!!! (no joke)

Going to London.

Ran a 10k in under 40 minutes (that was a lonnnnnng time ago though. And many pounds!!! :) )

Being a crazy idiot and running the 2011 OKC Marathon with a badly injured right calf with a driving rain in the middle of a thunderstorm!!! Not sure which one was crazier. Running with a severely injured right calf, or running in the middle of a thunderstorm!!!

Finished my first marathon! Route 66 Marathon, Tulsa, OK, Nov 20th, 2011. 49 more states to go!!!

The Grand Canyon. It took my breath away!

Halley's Comet!
Comet Hale-Bopp (1997)

Meteors (many)

Taipei 101 (very tall building)

What I want to see: The total eclipse of the sun near St. Louis on Aug. 21st, 2017!!! (DONE!!!)

Teach, Learn, Share

I hope to pass on my experiences in life to others, and also learn from others experiences.

Countries I’ve Visited

Japan, Mexico, Puerto Rico, Taiwan, United Kingdom, United States, Virgin Islands, U.S.

Countries I’ve Lived In

United States

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