CURRENT MISSION

sailing sailing sailing sailing saillllliiiiiing!!!!!! :)

ABOUT ME

PHILOSOPHY

life is good, people are good (some may have just forgotten...) do and think good things, you're the only one who has to live inside your head....

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

COUCHSURFING EXPERIENCE

love it!!! have met the best of people :)

Interests

i love the outdoor life, camping, rockclimbing, surfing/swimming, having adventures :)....reading, am a bit of a crossword fiend hehe..going out to pubs, playing pool, listening to live music, playing guitar/djembe, painting....laughing....

• perfumes
• beer
• coffee
• running
• drinking
• pub crawls
• reading
• traveling
• billiards
• painting
• music
• live music
• guitar
• outdoor activities
• camping
• surfing
• sailing
• rock climbing
• swimming
• etymology
• mountains

Music, Movies, and Books

Couple of my favorite movies: O brother where art thou, the gods must be crazy, princess mononoke, shawshank redemption, life is beautiful,
I love most music, really varied selection, from Nina Simone to Bush to Fat Freddys Drop
A few of the books that i love:
the city of joy, cant say it enough, this book is beyond!
clan of the cave bear.....that whole series,
anything by tom robbins...

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

Climbing the cliffs at West Cape Howe (western australia) even to get there is an experience, crazy 4wd sand tracks, up steep hills....then the cliffs themselves...WOW, fisrt time i saw them my stomach did flip-flops (but wasnt going to show it cos the as only girl in an all boy climbing team, im not gonna let them know im scared!) The cliffs are 80 meters of absolutely sheer vertical rock with massive 20ft waves crashing at the base...only way down is to abseil in, once your at the base only way out is to climb up, which of course was running through my mind as i abseiled down...what the hell am i doing! standing at the bottom of these cliffs is one of the most amazing places ive been, so stark and the scale of eveything so huge...as for the climb itself, i could ramble on and on, but will say this, at one point halfway up, my belay partner a small dot below me, no communication because of the crashing waves, near exhausted, at a really tricky part of the climb, feeling like i cant, then moving my left foot out onto a tiny hold, twisting my left hand into a crack in the rock, digging deep, crouching then jumping for a big handhold on the right...and reaching it! pulling myself up with muscles screaming for me to let go..ah man, the feeling, sense of achievement at the top....sitting around the campfire under the stars that night with my freinds and a well deserved bottle of beer, all of us utterly drained, but so happy....one of the best days of the year :)

Teach, Learn, Share

faretheewellandthanksforthelaughsandallofthat

Soooooo...... here's why I'm not using couchsurfing anymore.....

There was this kid, shall we name him Brandon?
all of you okay with this?
Ye all are sure?
Yes????

okay then, I'll continue...

So Brandon requested to stay a night and as its been pissing down rain the last few weeks and i find it hard to leave a soul out in the cold, i messaged him to say: of course.

So the night he stayed i was doing admin work (i work for myself)
I told this Brandon character on arrival that I am quite happy to have him in out of the cold, and that he is more than welcome to stay, even maybe another night if the weather is inclement. There are but two things I ask:
to please call me before heading over, I might not have space the next night,
and to please not bring people that I don't know into my house when I am not home....

seems pretty commonsense, right?

As i was using the sitting room where the couch is as my office, and also because of the fact that i was still fixing a leak that had sprung up in the guestcabin roof,
(some muppet somehow thought it was okay to jump up and down and up and down all upon the roof pfffft..... but that's another story),
i decided to let Brandon sleep that night !only! in the mastersuite, which is, just to be 100% clear: MYCABIN,
as I knew I would be up all night making phone calls to different timezones all around the world.

(Oh the joys of running an international company, oh yay...please read the preceding sentence in your head in a deadpan voice as there is no fucking font for that hahha) I eventually fell asleep, 5AM, mid phone call to New Zealand, and when i awoke Brandon was gone.

I have not much more to say of Brandon's stay that day (he was quite bland) other than he didn't seem very full of COPON.....
if you're not familiar with this word it is otherwise know as: commonsense and is also second cousin (on its mother's side) to this thing called courtesy.

That day (after my morning coffee of course) I fixed the leak in the guest cabin roof, made up the queen-size guest bed all nice and fluffy and cosy and cleeeeean with freshly laundered sheets, blankets and pillows and I placed Brandon's sleeping bag, which I assumed he had forgotten, on top of the GUESTbed.

Cut to that night:
I was down the local pub, which is literally at the topend of the cul-de-sac that I live on, drinking with Tom, a good friend of mine. We drank beer and rum and planned the fun and plotted courses to the Marquesas, and sailed to Cuba in our heads and when the bell rang at 12pm for last orders we strolled down the palm lined street home.

I checked my phone, which I do not do often, just to be sure no-one had sent an emergency SOS request to stay as I had a free guest cabin and a free guest-couch that night and it was a bit chilly out.

But no, no requests, no missed calls, no texts, everyone seemed to be warm and safe.

12:08PM and all is well on this little island :)

I open the Conch Republic flag which is currently my front door (not exactly the topend of security doors, I know, but hey I live on a tropical island, it's what you do here) and myself and my friend settle into the sittingroom to savour a glass of fine port and pore (NOTE: not pour!!!!)over the paper charts of the local waters.

“what the fuck is that noise Tom?”
“dunno Tess, sounds like its coming from your room”

The door to my room leads off the kitchen.

i grab a heavy glass ashtray, just in case ya know, and, heart thumping,
I tiptoe across the kitchen and listen at the door.....

I can hear loud snoring.....

….could it be ????
Brandon???
no wait a second, he wouldn't?
Not without calling or messaging me?
Would he?
Would he break into my house and then into my cabin and then fall sleep in my bed.....

am I the living fucking incarnation of Goldilocks and the three fucking bears?!?!!!!??? Do i need to check the fucking porrigde next!!!

The door swings slowly open and the light from the kitchen illuminates the room as well as the situation.

Yup, not only do I see it IS that little fuckwit Brendon snoring away like a fucking freightrain, but I am nearly blinded as I switch on the bedroom light by his glowing white nekkid ass, and,

oh whats this,

oh look!

He brought a friend!
Hmmmmm, am I dreaming I think to myself, have I had that much rum????
No no no this is REAL!
Eeeew I just washed MY sheets!

And what's that wet spot!!!!

eeeeew....
.
.
.
What the fuck!...... just because i live on a sailbaot do ya think fucking pirate laws apply!!!!!!

Of course little fuckwit's beautysleep is

Brutally.
Cut.
Short.

Let's rename Brandon: Fuckwit?

all okay with this?
ya sure?

yes?

okay then, I'll continue...
...............................
.............
......
...
.
And I'm ranting and roaring and Tom's pissing himself laughing
and Fuckwit's little fuckfriend was near pissing herself with fear

(tho I did have sympathy for her at the time as I am sure she was unaware of what she had gotten herself into, and I know for sure that I, and fairly sure that YOU (yes I'm talking to YOU sitting there reading this), have been there too)

….and I can see though poor old Fuckwit's widened eyes right into his little peanut of a brain, seeing it trying its very hardest to wake up...
and then upon not liking the reality into which it has suddenly been thrust i can see it going into auto-shutdown...

reboot,....

beep

beep beep,

system failure,

404 page not found.....

I notice his irises are the exact shade and hue of blue as the famous:
Dreaded Blue Screen of Death,
Co-incidence?
I tend think,
maybe not....

Ah fuckit, I think to myself, its started raining again and as pissed and pissed off (UK not US etymology) as I am I don't have the heart to turf these two out into the cold.

“right you two numbskulls, now that you are aware of the fact that you have broken into my house while I was away and are in MY room not the guestroom and are sleeping in MY bed, and this is not acceptable behavior in any of the societies that I have come across in my many many many many many years of travel all OVER the world!
None of them would condone this, nobody would say this is an acceptable thing to do......
but despite this I'm going to let you two go back to sleep, and when I wake up in the morning I want you the fuck out of my house!
Gone!
As if you were never here!
We all crystal on this kids???,
Yes????
Good, now I'm going to close the door and I don't want to hear another peep out of this room, okay”

I walk back to the sitting room grabbing the mop on the way to wipe up the puddle of laughing-tears Tom has left on my sittingroom floor.

“pour me another glass of port wontya Tom”
“sure thing Tess” his voice all croaky-hoarse from laughing
“thanks Tom....cheers....mmm, good stuff,......."
"Hey Tom......"
"Yes Tess....,,"
"...........I'm not sure I will be using couchsurfing anymore.......”

Excerpt from:
'Welcome, sorry I'm not home'
copyright Jan 2016

____________________________________________

Hey couchsurfers :) if you've read this far, i do still host through www.thepoosh.org, if you take the time to read the site, setup a profile with a link to you CS profile i might be able to host :) happy travels. Tess

_______________________________________________

Soooo...I am glad ye all are having a giggle,
at my (uninvited) encounter
with this numbskull last wednesday...

And thank ye for all of your positive wishes,
but to all of ye who are tutting and thinking
that this little fuckwits action are just “unforgiveable”.....

Just to be clear: to be abso-fuckin-crystal on this:
I am not in the slightest bit upset that it ever happened!

have you and the point gotten on different busses??
are ya nuts????
does it run in the family?????

ole "Brandon" made me laugh so many times,
hmm
not so much the night of the incident,
but since....
oh fuckyeah!!!
(and others too, i hear)
I have absolutely -
(let me just be clear:
are we fuckingCRYSTAL on this matey?????)
- repeat:
absolutely NO (zero-zip-nada) desire that this particular incident had never happened!
got it??
Clear??
now if ya open yer noggin and realise this, you'll see there's nothing to forgive!!!!
(.......im not saying however, that fuckwit-ish behaviour is to be condoned)
but
no!
NOOOO!
For-the-love-of-Gouda-fuckNO!, nothing there to forgive :)

however,
it has made me laugh so much
im not sure will ever be forgotten....

That being said......
if you cant figure out how to read text,
decide:
oh! i like this website!
….and set up a profile,
and message there.......
i fear you may not be so full of this: COPON!
(you may have heard mentioned............)

and, here i quote from a note:
"I.......didnt understand (the websites) its essesence"

hmmmmmm....

seeing as i am trying to get a fucking big project off the ground;

.....the essence of which is the same as "the essence" of the website you could not understand
.....which is actually quite clearly and thoroughly explained on the website!!!!
.....i dont quite understand just quite fuckinHOW you cant understand?!
(unless you dont know how to use a website.!?....
….............which if you are of OVER a certain age, i DO understand)
...or read? ( which if you are UNDER a certain age, i understand too....)
but if you fall ouside of these categories ive clearly outline above....
please
fer-fuck-sake-PahLEASE!
go back and read the website!!!!
its got all the info you need to understand the "essence"....
Go on, go check! they have a whole section, for frequently asked questions and all!
(it is a really fucking-good-read, lots of good shit to read over your morning coffee and sh:)
GO ON, read it, it will BROADEN your mind
wonderful people and projects to find.....
one of them there, is even mine!!!
have an ole browse, set up a profile,
it really is simple,
message me there,
and maybe,
just maybe
::
..
but somehow i sense if you dont understand the essential essense...
our essential sentiments may not be the same, so.......

as i said, i am busy!
i simply dont have the time
to sit down and give you a personal, fucking live-and-animated explanation!
NO!
and on a side note:
If you preface your request with “hey babay”(sic)....
chances are..
(and go on kids, go break the piggy bank and bet all yer pennies on this one,
I have inside information that its a sure-fire-fair-fucking-dinkum-chickendinner-WINNER!)

the answer is:

No, feck off!

Countries I’ve Visited

Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Barbados, Brazil, Croatia, Dominican Republic, England, France, Germany, Gibraltar, Greece, Haiti, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Italy, Lesotho, Martinique, Monaco, Namibia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Northern Ireland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Saint Helena, Ascension and Tristan da Cunha, Saint Lucia, Saint Martin (French part), Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Scotland, Singapore, Sint Maarten (Dutch part), Spain, Swaziland, Switzerland, Trinidad and Tobago, United Kingdom, Vatican City State, Virgin Islands, British, Wales, Zimbabwe

Countries I’ve Lived In

Australia, France, Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, United States