I love travelling but have found it harder and harder to do with my rapid aging and deteriorating sense of adventure. I've also had to forfeit my passport while I'm on house arrest because of a little misunderstanding at the US border involving counterfeit Tim Hortons gift cards and a crate of kinder surprise eggs. So now I've decided to let the world come to me. Being a socially awkward and generally uninteresting individual I find it hard to meet new friends and even harder to keep them. I consider myself to be fun, outgoing, and spontaneous, where other people describe me as immature, creepy, and trespassing. Once people discover the real me and a way to loosen the restraints they generally don't hang around anymore. Thank God for the "Mail Order Friend" service known as couch Surfing.
I always try to assist fellow travellers any way I can. Like helping them to get to know this city and becoming familiar with our culture and customs. For instance, contrary to what you've read or been told by the police, smelling someone's hair while giving an unsolicited back rub is a perfectly polite and highly encouraged way to say "hello","good-bye", or "good morning" to any tourist. Too many times this misinterpreted gesture of hospitality has ended up in negative references and bear mace scented restraining orders.
As far as my setup goes i have a one bedroom apartment that's close to everything you might need. Restaurants, banks, walk in clinics, and a safe injection site. It's usually pretty clean and comfortable considering it gets used for everything from filming food fetish porn and Ricky Martin music videos to housing a bunch of jittery diarrhea plagued farm animals as a therapeutic petting zoo to benefit hooked-hand amputee children with bad depth perception. I always offer guests my bedroom while I sleep on the couch. I pass this off as generosity but it's really because I have the tendancy to spend all night howling at the moon while sleep walking around my apartment naked.(my grandma on my mother's side was a werewolf) So it's best to lock yourself in the room and pray until daylight.
Besides a labyrinth-esque maze of hallways in my building that would make David Bowie proud I discourage escaping by offering an assortment of in-house activities. On Sundays I have a Canadian band themed karaoke night (so if you're good at singing or have the slightest musical talent you're not allowed to participate.) Tuesday is the same here as anywhere else in the universe, Taco Night!!! we have an incredibly popular, dangerously competitive tequila drinking/taco eating contest. TO THE DEATH!!!! For those who survive that you're welcome to have your innards destroyed even further by participating in our unofficial, unauthorized, highly illegal and completely awesome Fight Club. (Every Thursday and Saturday) The first 2 rules prevent me from going in to more detail but trust me, if you like sweating and getting punched in the face this is where it's at.
My lawyer insists for legality purposes I should disclose a few situations that may arise from "cultural differences". Like my penchant for (what I would call) confident flirting but some judges might define as harassment. Its a fact, I'll most likely hit on you. Whether you're a guy, or a girl, or even a well groomed goat. But, Ive learnt what the word "no" is in 22 different languages so I wouldn't worry too much.
In looking for couch surfers I find I get along best with people who have low morals and high tolerance for alcohol. People who swear, smoke, and eat food that's terrible for them. Basically if you're a pirate or a drunken trucker with tourettes you're in.

Why I’m on Couchsurfing

Ironic conditions of my parole

Interests

Bike riding, Voyeurism, axe sharpening, night-time hikes in the Forrest, digging holes,old school video games, and ping pong.

Music, Movies, and Books

Movie: Hostel
Music: Hostel soundtrack, taylor swift
Books: Babysitters Club and anything by Robert munch

One Amazing Thing I’ve Done

Recently I've been involved with an amazing charitable endeavour. Im running a very profitable "non profit" outreach centre for inner city Dolphins forced to sell their blow holes on the street because of a heavy addiction to puffer fish nerve toxins. Through my selfless, highly attractive, admirable, and tireless efforts I have ensured that these troubled misguided marine mammals get top dollar for their sex crevice.

Teach, Learn, Share

Teach: how to hustle unsuspecting travellers.
Learn: what a scream sounds like in your language
Share: candid videos from my shower.

What I Can Share with Hosts

Life experience and bodily fluids.

Countries I’ve Visited

Australia, Canada, China, Colombia, Fiji, Honduras, Hong Kong, Japan, Mexico, New Zealand, Thailand, United States